Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
The Bitch Switch ...
So today I was told that 'everybody thinks I am a bitch' and that I come off as a bitch when other people don't 'kiss my ass'. Let's all pause for 30 seconds of laughter ...........
This person went on to say that it is also the reason I 'don't hardly have any friends' ... Last time I checked I have a great group of friends that love me as I love them and know that I am one of the most kind-hearted, loving people around.
The funny thing is that I am not even mad, just astounded at how far this person's head is up their own ass. I also find it funny because I have known this person for years, and I considered them a good friend that jokes with me a lot but has never taken it this far - or this seriously. Now, I am more than willing to admit that if / when someone hurts me or someone I care about, that "Bitch Switch" comes on and I will lay a 'verbal smackdown' on someone until they apologize and MEAN IT or at least until they feel so low and dirty that even swine would turn their nose at them.
I am genuinely one of the nicest people on this planet. I often sacrifice things just to make the people I care about happy or to put a smile on their face. I never expect anything in return or even ask for thanks. It's just what makes me happy. People judge me - and not just because of the tattoos. I find that people tend to judge what they do not know or understand. I live my life 'outside the box' and my main goal in life is to be happy with who I am and do whatever it is in that moment that makes me happy. I bear the labels of 'unique', 'quirky', 'crazy', but each of those titles (to me) are flattering. It means that I don't follow a crowd of popular belief and people notice. What is it that I read the other day? Yes, "Haters are just confused admirers." Couldn't be more true. I find that people who bitch and gossip about people outside their personal circle of friends are merely just bored with their own lives. They secretly yearn to be those people the talk about. They envy the way others live their lives because they are too scared to leave their 'safe zone' to experience all the different things this World has to offer. Born and raised in Polk County you see a lot of types thrown together in a mid-sized city, yet their minds are so small. Living in LA taught me a lot. I've always been independent in my own thinking, but it was difficult growing up in a city like Lakeland. Moving to LA, where you have people from every walk of life, you learn to accept people for who they are. We all deserve respect and a place in this World as long as we work hard for it. It's not what we wear, the way we style our hair, what we drive to work or even eat for lunch that defines us as people - it is what is within us. I don't know why it is so hard for people to break through the layers and make an effort to get to know someone but it seems the smaller the town, the smaller the mentality. LA, NYC, Miami - they may all be controversial places BUT I feel more at home when I am visiting than I do in my own home town. City people crave to learn more about what they don't understand. Living in Hollywood was probably the happiest I have ever been because it's the only place people have accepted me for exactly who I am and who I strive to be, REGARDLESS of their personal preferences.
It is upsetting to me that I even feel it necessary to write about this topic. There is so much hate and anger in this World. I live my life on the basis that I treat others the way I feel I deserve to be treated. Why on earth would I want to be treated like a bitch? It's ludicrous. Insane in the membrane. Absurd. God help the small minded.
This person went on to say that it is also the reason I 'don't hardly have any friends' ... Last time I checked I have a great group of friends that love me as I love them and know that I am one of the most kind-hearted, loving people around.
The funny thing is that I am not even mad, just astounded at how far this person's head is up their own ass. I also find it funny because I have known this person for years, and I considered them a good friend that jokes with me a lot but has never taken it this far - or this seriously. Now, I am more than willing to admit that if / when someone hurts me or someone I care about, that "Bitch Switch" comes on and I will lay a 'verbal smackdown' on someone until they apologize and MEAN IT or at least until they feel so low and dirty that even swine would turn their nose at them.
I am genuinely one of the nicest people on this planet. I often sacrifice things just to make the people I care about happy or to put a smile on their face. I never expect anything in return or even ask for thanks. It's just what makes me happy. People judge me - and not just because of the tattoos. I find that people tend to judge what they do not know or understand. I live my life 'outside the box' and my main goal in life is to be happy with who I am and do whatever it is in that moment that makes me happy. I bear the labels of 'unique', 'quirky', 'crazy', but each of those titles (to me) are flattering. It means that I don't follow a crowd of popular belief and people notice. What is it that I read the other day? Yes, "Haters are just confused admirers." Couldn't be more true. I find that people who bitch and gossip about people outside their personal circle of friends are merely just bored with their own lives. They secretly yearn to be those people the talk about. They envy the way others live their lives because they are too scared to leave their 'safe zone' to experience all the different things this World has to offer. Born and raised in Polk County you see a lot of types thrown together in a mid-sized city, yet their minds are so small. Living in LA taught me a lot. I've always been independent in my own thinking, but it was difficult growing up in a city like Lakeland. Moving to LA, where you have people from every walk of life, you learn to accept people for who they are. We all deserve respect and a place in this World as long as we work hard for it. It's not what we wear, the way we style our hair, what we drive to work or even eat for lunch that defines us as people - it is what is within us. I don't know why it is so hard for people to break through the layers and make an effort to get to know someone but it seems the smaller the town, the smaller the mentality. LA, NYC, Miami - they may all be controversial places BUT I feel more at home when I am visiting than I do in my own home town. City people crave to learn more about what they don't understand. Living in Hollywood was probably the happiest I have ever been because it's the only place people have accepted me for exactly who I am and who I strive to be, REGARDLESS of their personal preferences.
It is upsetting to me that I even feel it necessary to write about this topic. There is so much hate and anger in this World. I live my life on the basis that I treat others the way I feel I deserve to be treated. Why on earth would I want to be treated like a bitch? It's ludicrous. Insane in the membrane. Absurd. God help the small minded.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Dreams Can Come True ...
Have I told you lately ... about my dream home? No? Ok, then allow me.
I want an odd number of acres. I want an old plantation house that I can fix up on my own that dons a wrap around porch with rocking chairs and swings. I want to paint the outside white with either black or red shutters. I want a breakfast nook to have arched french doors that open up to the porch so that I may dine with my family every morning with the fresh air surrounding us as we feast on crepes with fresh fruit and OJ. I want an upstairs master bedroom that is spacious with its own fireplace and enough room to house a California King bed with down everything, that my family will crawl into together to watch movies in. I want a laundry room with a red washer and dryer that's big enough to also do the ironing in. I want an oversized kitchen with top of the line appliances, with a big island right in the middle. I want my dining room table to be a vintage castle door made of wood or steel with some intricate royal design. I want a bedroom for each of my children. I want at least one guest room because friends and family visiting is a must. I want both a living room and den and either a studio for me or an office. I want windows everywhere that will allow me to open them every day for fresh air and sunlight. I want wood floors all throughout the house. I want a basement that will be turned into a theater room. I want it to look as if it is its own separate entity of the house. While I want the living area to be very rustic and homey, I want a theater room that is reminiscent of Old Hollywood. Pictures of Marilyn, Katherine, Carey, Ava & Bridget hanging on the walls with floor to ceiling selections of movies and games. I want a bar that looks like it is straight out of the movie "Tombstone" to sit in the corner of the room. I want my nearest neighbor's house to be out of sight, out of mind. I want at least 5o-some odd acres which will be home to horses, cows and sheep. I want a pond in the back yard for a family or two of ducks. I want a greenhouse/gardenhouse for my herbs and vegetables (but just the simple ones because I plan to get my veggies fresh from the local farmers market). Attached to the green/garden house I want a small yoga/dance studio because my family will be active and healthy. I want a separate area of the yard to have another garden. One with flowers and plants with a brilliant stone fountain in the middle with a gazebo and benches on either side. My house will have fresh flowers all throughout each new week. I want lanterns hanging from the trees closest to the house. I want an old brick mailbox at the end of a very long dirt or gravel driveway that a crazy postman (much like the one in Funny Farm) will deliver my mail to. I want a custom built playground in the yard, a tire swing and a pool in the yard for my kids because I want to raise them old school, appreciating Mother Nature and the joys and thrills of playing outside. We will ride horses together, feed the cows and sheep and in the winter play in the snow and build snowmen or snowwomen :) I want 3 cats and my list of dogs is as follows:
Laborador Retriever (2), Golden Retriever, Weimaraner, Bulldog, Bloodhound and Australian Shepherd. I would also like 2 sugar gliders and name them "Chip & Dale". Of course the kids will have little pets we rescue along the way - possibly a baby bird that fell from a nest and needed rehabbing or a squirrel or baby turtle. I want an open home. One that welcomes anyone and anything - except snakes and spiders. Those are out of the question. I want to spend my days cooking, baking, creating and raising my kids and family. I want to own a pair of rainboots and winter clothes. I want a barn for the horses, to stay when it is cold and/or rainy as well as the other farm animals. When I picture this part, I remember the movie "Babe" and how all of the animals congregated together in the barn. I love that. I want every room to be different, where you feel as though upon entering each one you are discovering a new place, and resembles nothing that you have previously been in before, only moments before. I want an attic that will be full of antique and vintage clothing that I will have secret ya-ya girls' nights in, playing dress up, drinking wine and reminscing about the days when we were younger and single - when all we had was each other. I want a fireplace in the den with a big fur rug to have candlelit dinners and family game night in front of. I want the living room to be more formal, with enough seating to accommodate our friends and family for dinner parties while the kids are downstairs keeping busy in the theater room or outside playing Forts & Castles or hide-n-go-seek. I want everything to be original, to be my own. I want it to be 'home'. My sanctuary. A place that when I come back from a beautiful vacation I can still be happy with, that will compare to where I have just come from.
This is my dream. Whether it becomes my reality, we shall someday see. I don't like to be told that its unattainable or unrealistic because it is in fact my dream and mine alone. Those that rain on my parade are only jealous because they don't have a dream of their own. In those famous words from "Blades of Glory": "If you can dream it, you can do it."
I want an odd number of acres. I want an old plantation house that I can fix up on my own that dons a wrap around porch with rocking chairs and swings. I want to paint the outside white with either black or red shutters. I want a breakfast nook to have arched french doors that open up to the porch so that I may dine with my family every morning with the fresh air surrounding us as we feast on crepes with fresh fruit and OJ. I want an upstairs master bedroom that is spacious with its own fireplace and enough room to house a California King bed with down everything, that my family will crawl into together to watch movies in. I want a laundry room with a red washer and dryer that's big enough to also do the ironing in. I want an oversized kitchen with top of the line appliances, with a big island right in the middle. I want my dining room table to be a vintage castle door made of wood or steel with some intricate royal design. I want a bedroom for each of my children. I want at least one guest room because friends and family visiting is a must. I want both a living room and den and either a studio for me or an office. I want windows everywhere that will allow me to open them every day for fresh air and sunlight. I want wood floors all throughout the house. I want a basement that will be turned into a theater room. I want it to look as if it is its own separate entity of the house. While I want the living area to be very rustic and homey, I want a theater room that is reminiscent of Old Hollywood. Pictures of Marilyn, Katherine, Carey, Ava & Bridget hanging on the walls with floor to ceiling selections of movies and games. I want a bar that looks like it is straight out of the movie "Tombstone" to sit in the corner of the room. I want my nearest neighbor's house to be out of sight, out of mind. I want at least 5o-some odd acres which will be home to horses, cows and sheep. I want a pond in the back yard for a family or two of ducks. I want a greenhouse/gardenhouse for my herbs and vegetables (but just the simple ones because I plan to get my veggies fresh from the local farmers market). Attached to the green/garden house I want a small yoga/dance studio because my family will be active and healthy. I want a separate area of the yard to have another garden. One with flowers and plants with a brilliant stone fountain in the middle with a gazebo and benches on either side. My house will have fresh flowers all throughout each new week. I want lanterns hanging from the trees closest to the house. I want an old brick mailbox at the end of a very long dirt or gravel driveway that a crazy postman (much like the one in Funny Farm) will deliver my mail to. I want a custom built playground in the yard, a tire swing and a pool in the yard for my kids because I want to raise them old school, appreciating Mother Nature and the joys and thrills of playing outside. We will ride horses together, feed the cows and sheep and in the winter play in the snow and build snowmen or snowwomen :) I want 3 cats and my list of dogs is as follows:
Laborador Retriever (2), Golden Retriever, Weimaraner, Bulldog, Bloodhound and Australian Shepherd. I would also like 2 sugar gliders and name them "Chip & Dale". Of course the kids will have little pets we rescue along the way - possibly a baby bird that fell from a nest and needed rehabbing or a squirrel or baby turtle. I want an open home. One that welcomes anyone and anything - except snakes and spiders. Those are out of the question. I want to spend my days cooking, baking, creating and raising my kids and family. I want to own a pair of rainboots and winter clothes. I want a barn for the horses, to stay when it is cold and/or rainy as well as the other farm animals. When I picture this part, I remember the movie "Babe" and how all of the animals congregated together in the barn. I love that. I want every room to be different, where you feel as though upon entering each one you are discovering a new place, and resembles nothing that you have previously been in before, only moments before. I want an attic that will be full of antique and vintage clothing that I will have secret ya-ya girls' nights in, playing dress up, drinking wine and reminscing about the days when we were younger and single - when all we had was each other. I want a fireplace in the den with a big fur rug to have candlelit dinners and family game night in front of. I want the living room to be more formal, with enough seating to accommodate our friends and family for dinner parties while the kids are downstairs keeping busy in the theater room or outside playing Forts & Castles or hide-n-go-seek. I want everything to be original, to be my own. I want it to be 'home'. My sanctuary. A place that when I come back from a beautiful vacation I can still be happy with, that will compare to where I have just come from.
This is my dream. Whether it becomes my reality, we shall someday see. I don't like to be told that its unattainable or unrealistic because it is in fact my dream and mine alone. Those that rain on my parade are only jealous because they don't have a dream of their own. In those famous words from "Blades of Glory": "If you can dream it, you can do it."
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
I Know, 'Right'
Do you believe there is a 'right' time for everything? I once read a quote that said, "If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." Wow, so true. I base a lot of things in life on feelings. I know, probably not always the smartest tactic, but at least I know I am doing what makes me happy in that moment. Consequences often come later, but the feeling I get when I'm doing something so great is worth whatever comes later. Lately, though, I have been trying to put more thought into things instead of just rushing head first into a shallow sea of opportunity.
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
You never know who or what will come into your life, but if you don't allow them to come in you will never truly know what effect they would have had on or in your life. While I used to, I never pass up the opportunity for a little 'newness' to come into my life, especially with meeting people. I have had a bad run with boys, but there lies my first problem: boys. Not men, boys. The only common factor in each of my exes (with the exception of one or two) is that each was an asshole and still remain assholes. Once an asshole, always an asshole. I don't care what people say. The same goes for addiction. It is just something that lives inside. It never goes away. It just has to be battled everyday, but people don't actually change - they suppress and 'edit'.
I'm a very intuitive person. They say your first gut feeling is always the right one, but my problem is that I tend to ignore it and hope for the best. Well, that was the old me. The new me has been building a personal relationship with my gut and we are working on our communication. I have always ignored that nagging little voice inside that says I'm headed into a big, nasty storm but I've been through one too many ponchos and rain boots. I'm ready to get rid of the frizzy hair and runny mascara and live in the sunshine.
I have been spending more time with my friends lately and I have been reminded just how lucky I am. I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever hope for. They never hide their true feelings from me in fear they may hurt mine. In the end truth prevails. It hurts less in the beginning than towards the end. They love me enough to throw me back into reality and are willing to get their hands dirty in the process. They only have my best interest at heart and for that I am grateful, because I can only offer the same to them in return ... and I do.
"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing."
You never know who or what will come into your life, but if you don't allow them to come in you will never truly know what effect they would have had on or in your life. While I used to, I never pass up the opportunity for a little 'newness' to come into my life, especially with meeting people. I have had a bad run with boys, but there lies my first problem: boys. Not men, boys. The only common factor in each of my exes (with the exception of one or two) is that each was an asshole and still remain assholes. Once an asshole, always an asshole. I don't care what people say. The same goes for addiction. It is just something that lives inside. It never goes away. It just has to be battled everyday, but people don't actually change - they suppress and 'edit'.
I'm a very intuitive person. They say your first gut feeling is always the right one, but my problem is that I tend to ignore it and hope for the best. Well, that was the old me. The new me has been building a personal relationship with my gut and we are working on our communication. I have always ignored that nagging little voice inside that says I'm headed into a big, nasty storm but I've been through one too many ponchos and rain boots. I'm ready to get rid of the frizzy hair and runny mascara and live in the sunshine.
I have been spending more time with my friends lately and I have been reminded just how lucky I am. I have the most amazing friends anyone could ever hope for. They never hide their true feelings from me in fear they may hurt mine. In the end truth prevails. It hurts less in the beginning than towards the end. They love me enough to throw me back into reality and are willing to get their hands dirty in the process. They only have my best interest at heart and for that I am grateful, because I can only offer the same to them in return ... and I do.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Inspiration Has Found Me ... Once Again ...
I found myself reading my last post ... about finding love, finding happiness with another soul and whether it would ever happen for me again. On April 20th I went out with a guy. I took a chance on this one, being that I had never met or seen this guy before. My first impression was that it would not go past a first date and if it did it would be out of sheer pity. This guy was beautiful. Conversation was fantastic, food was not. After dinner we went over to the next town and had a drink. Conversation continued to be better than expected and I found myself hopeful for a second date. He dropped me off without a kiss, not even a hug. My hopes were crushed. A short while after walking inside my house I received a message from him, restoring my hopes of that second date. Many text messages and two days later I found myself at his house, having a scotch on the rocks on his back porch overlooking the lake. Still doubtful of anything becoming of these two dates, I sat back and enjoyed every second of what he had to offer. He walked me to my car that night and nervously admitted his intention of kissing me. We did so. I drove home with butterflies that night. Two days after that we were in the car together headed to Ft. Lauderdale for a fight. About halfway into our journey we took a detour, almost ending up in Puerto Rico. Our destination ended up being Vero Beach, a tiki bar called Capt. Hiram's. We sat on the water listening to live music, eating and drinking for hours. We started off across from each other and in just a short time we were huddled on one side of the booth, heavily flirting that eventually led to some serious PDA. That night changed my life. Silly as it seems, I was elated. Could this near-perfect guy be for real? It sure seemed so. The night only became more and more perfect. Waking up the next morning with a hangover was worth every second we had shared the night before.
We carried on for several months. These few months were virtually the happiest I had been in a very long time. This 'relationship' swiftly became nothing more than it was on that first date. Now we remain good friends, but I had never felt this way about someone before. I dare say love, but an overwhelming feeling of contentment, happiness. I mostly attribute this different feeling to my newfound level of independence. You go 18 months being with no one but yourself changes things, it changes life and how we see it. It made me see Tiffany.
The past few weeks have shown me that my heart can only handle so much stress. I mourned the loss of a dear friend while trying to save my relationship with my very own sister. Just as I started to take a turn for the better, I found myself in the Emergency Room. Severe panic attack as well as a small heart irregularity, they said. After being prescribed more than a few medications, I began to feel worse. So bad in fact, I wound up making a call into my lady doctor complaining of what felt like a heart attack and persistent nausea. Needless to say I am no longer taking any of those poison pills. My biggest fear is waking up one day realizing I'm an addict. I've been in that position before. Being 23 and having the realization that you are addicted to pain killers is a scary thing. I was so out of my own mind that I had convinced myself that I needed them. I didn't feel myself unless I was completely numb. They took not only the physical pain away but the mental pain of being in a severely dysfunctional and abusive relationship. I woke up one day choosing to help myself. I dug myself out of the deep hole I had dug and cleaned myself up. I was never a junkie, just your average well-to-do closet addict. I mentally trained myself to become dependent only on myself. I let myself feel physical pain and appreciated it. For me, the physical is far easier to bear than the emotional.
I wake up every morning with a positive attitude. I tell myself that it will be okay, that it will be a good day. Though mind over matter is not always as easy as it sounds, I sometimes still manage to keep that attitude throughout the day. It is hard, I struggle, but I get through it. I try to keep focus at work, doing the best job I know how. Unlike many in my office, I work for survival, for my future - whatever that may be. I have gotten where I am today by being absolutely committed to whatever endeavor I have chosen.
Writing, while being a passion of mine, has always been an outlet for me. It allows me to put into words what I am feeling at any given moment. My words may not always be in sync or make sense to others, but in reality - whose thoughts always do make any sense when combined with other thoughts? The great thing about writing is that people can choose to read it, it is not an obligation. I feel honored when people take the time to read what I have written. Though we all lead very different lives, there are often common factors in each of our lives that closely relate to what is going on with us as individuals. I can only hope that someday my words can positively affect someone else. I believe we are all to make our own mistakes to learn from, but sometimes seeing hardships that others encounter can alter the decisions we make in our own lives - sometimes for the good and other times for the bad. Regardless, we should take comfort in knowing that everything that happens to us is for good reason - not A reason, but good reason. We can choose to learn from our experiences, or we can ignore the affect they have on us or others, only to one day make that same mistake again. I have no regrets, as I have said before. People waste so much precious time wondering what could have been or what will be instead of taking a grip on the present and making the most of it hoping that it will better their future.
I get annoyed when people tell me, "You have your whole life ahead of you. You are still so young." While that may be true, I may not wake up tomorrow. Today could possibly be my last. Should I wake up tomorrow standing in the clouds, looking down at Earth I can only hope that I am proud of what I have accomplished, what I have done. The truth is that nothing is promised, especially time. We are to make the most of what time we do have because we are all limited. I want to experience as much as possible. I want to feel as though I have made a difference in someone else's life. I would love to travel to the East and work with children who have grown up in less fortunate circumstances than myself. I am happiest when I can help others. I have never had a lot, but what I do have a lot of is compassion. Seeing others smile is more than enough to bring one to my face.
Life is so very short, so very precious. When you find something or someone that makes you happy, stick with it (or them). Fight for it. Never give up on happiness. Never give up on yourself. We are who we make ourselves out to be. We are only as good as our last action, our last thought. Most importantly, LIVE!
Until next time, au revoir.
tj
We carried on for several months. These few months were virtually the happiest I had been in a very long time. This 'relationship' swiftly became nothing more than it was on that first date. Now we remain good friends, but I had never felt this way about someone before. I dare say love, but an overwhelming feeling of contentment, happiness. I mostly attribute this different feeling to my newfound level of independence. You go 18 months being with no one but yourself changes things, it changes life and how we see it. It made me see Tiffany.
The past few weeks have shown me that my heart can only handle so much stress. I mourned the loss of a dear friend while trying to save my relationship with my very own sister. Just as I started to take a turn for the better, I found myself in the Emergency Room. Severe panic attack as well as a small heart irregularity, they said. After being prescribed more than a few medications, I began to feel worse. So bad in fact, I wound up making a call into my lady doctor complaining of what felt like a heart attack and persistent nausea. Needless to say I am no longer taking any of those poison pills. My biggest fear is waking up one day realizing I'm an addict. I've been in that position before. Being 23 and having the realization that you are addicted to pain killers is a scary thing. I was so out of my own mind that I had convinced myself that I needed them. I didn't feel myself unless I was completely numb. They took not only the physical pain away but the mental pain of being in a severely dysfunctional and abusive relationship. I woke up one day choosing to help myself. I dug myself out of the deep hole I had dug and cleaned myself up. I was never a junkie, just your average well-to-do closet addict. I mentally trained myself to become dependent only on myself. I let myself feel physical pain and appreciated it. For me, the physical is far easier to bear than the emotional.
I wake up every morning with a positive attitude. I tell myself that it will be okay, that it will be a good day. Though mind over matter is not always as easy as it sounds, I sometimes still manage to keep that attitude throughout the day. It is hard, I struggle, but I get through it. I try to keep focus at work, doing the best job I know how. Unlike many in my office, I work for survival, for my future - whatever that may be. I have gotten where I am today by being absolutely committed to whatever endeavor I have chosen.
Writing, while being a passion of mine, has always been an outlet for me. It allows me to put into words what I am feeling at any given moment. My words may not always be in sync or make sense to others, but in reality - whose thoughts always do make any sense when combined with other thoughts? The great thing about writing is that people can choose to read it, it is not an obligation. I feel honored when people take the time to read what I have written. Though we all lead very different lives, there are often common factors in each of our lives that closely relate to what is going on with us as individuals. I can only hope that someday my words can positively affect someone else. I believe we are all to make our own mistakes to learn from, but sometimes seeing hardships that others encounter can alter the decisions we make in our own lives - sometimes for the good and other times for the bad. Regardless, we should take comfort in knowing that everything that happens to us is for good reason - not A reason, but good reason. We can choose to learn from our experiences, or we can ignore the affect they have on us or others, only to one day make that same mistake again. I have no regrets, as I have said before. People waste so much precious time wondering what could have been or what will be instead of taking a grip on the present and making the most of it hoping that it will better their future.
I get annoyed when people tell me, "You have your whole life ahead of you. You are still so young." While that may be true, I may not wake up tomorrow. Today could possibly be my last. Should I wake up tomorrow standing in the clouds, looking down at Earth I can only hope that I am proud of what I have accomplished, what I have done. The truth is that nothing is promised, especially time. We are to make the most of what time we do have because we are all limited. I want to experience as much as possible. I want to feel as though I have made a difference in someone else's life. I would love to travel to the East and work with children who have grown up in less fortunate circumstances than myself. I am happiest when I can help others. I have never had a lot, but what I do have a lot of is compassion. Seeing others smile is more than enough to bring one to my face.
Life is so very short, so very precious. When you find something or someone that makes you happy, stick with it (or them). Fight for it. Never give up on happiness. Never give up on yourself. We are who we make ourselves out to be. We are only as good as our last action, our last thought. Most importantly, LIVE!
Until next time, au revoir.
tj
Monday, April 6, 2009
The Endless Journey ...
In the past several years I have come a long way … a long way from the “always a girlfriend”, insecure, “I’ll do what you want to do”, sometimes self-loathing girl. Today I am proud of who I am, secure in who I am (not quite 100% on the physical), un-attached, laid-back woman.
I have been happily un-attached for quite some time and I have embraced every opportunity that has presented itself. And no, I don’t mean opportunity in the form of a man. My idea of opportunity has come in the form of a career, of goals, of dreams. I have been able to build friendships that I neglected to do as what I refer to as a “serial monogamous girlfriend”. I was literally jumping from one relationship to the next; always faithful and always giving. I spent so much time making everyone else happy that I left no time for myself. Do I regret it? No. Not one bit. I remain a very selfless person and will strive to be selfless throughout the continuation of my Earthly life. When I give to people I have never and will never expect anything in return EXCEPT the same love and respect they get from me. There’s also the understanding and ability to get my sarcastic humor, but those usually come after some time around me.
I get that I am a hard one to figure out. I think 50% is because I like it that way and the other half is because I think everyone deserves to keep a little mystery. I’ve learned the mystery is what keeps a relationship on fire. I am a very passionate person and being able to get or give something new from time to time definitely keeps things alive. Unfortunately, the ‘mystery’ can not all the time be good. I have never been unfaithful, but being human I have been tempted on numerous occasions. But, I’ve realized that those moments of weakness came upon a time of unhappiness and loneliness. I’ve been broken down and cheated on to a point where even I thought I would never allow myself to love again.
I have worked diligently over the past 18 months to re-build the foundations of “Tiffany”. I have re-paved the lines of thought, colored in the outlines and sewn up my broken heart. I have built a bigger and better me as a result of the pain I have experienced. But, with every new construction, do come kinks along the way – the potholes if you will. I never plan to be brand new. I like to think of myself as a quilt – one that women in the 18 & 1900’s would sit together and sew. Little pieces of random memories and experiences all sewn together to make one piece of work. A fine collection.
I enjoy being single, being happy on my own but there are times of loneliness and wishful thinking for something more which brings me to my point. I love my friends. I love weddings, but sometimes their happy endings can be unhappy for me. My oldest and dearest best friend was married March 28, 2009 as you will know if you read my previous post. The wedding was to die for and unforgettable – just like anything major that Sarah does. After it was all said and done, I found myself very sad. Partly because I so enjoyed everything leading up to and immediately following, but mostly because I sat back to wonder if she would ever share in that same happiness for me. I quit looking for love a long time ago and knew that if it were to happen, it would find me – as it should. I’m told that when you do quit looking, often times it does find you.
I don’t want to start looking again, nor do I want to find someone to ‘settle’ with, but I sometimes just crave being in the arms of someone, laughing until I cry with someone and sharing new & old experiences with someone. It probably sounds completely ridiculous – even I think I sound a little ridiculous, but it is how I feel at this moment. I have spent the past week in this dark place where I have had doubt that I will ever find that happiness that most of my friends and family now have. I miss the companionship.
Coming into this weekend I was still feeling rather ‘down’ with no sight of any light at the end of any tunnel. I spent yesterday in Tampa with my cousin for her little boy’s 2nd birthday. It was nice to be around family, friends and all of their kids. It gave me hope again and I started to come around. I woke up this morning with a new perspective (once again) and found myself almost back to normal. My cousin and I sat down for a coffee (tea for me) and talked for nearly 3 hours. It felt as though we were back in the days of her being single when we would sit up all night gabbing about this and that. How boys were awful and there didn’t seem to be anyone worth keeping around. But I look at her and remember that she was me just a few years ago, in the same position, and now she has a great husband and 2 beautiful kids and aside from the everyday kinks in her life, she is happy. It renews my faith in love and happiness and I sit here now knowing that it will, indeed, be okay.
I am (again) content with my single status. I’m okay with that fact that I will go to bed alone tonight and I am grateful that I am here to live another day that will be full of new experiences. I know that I will find my happiness. It will be unlike any of those of my friends or family. It will be my own personal happiness that only I get to experience with the person that loves me for me, that WANTS to make me happy. But, for now, I am happy with me. I have the happiness that many will never know, that many never take the time to find. The most important journey in life is the one to self-discovery. Indeed it is a journey that never ends, but without happiness with yourself you will never find it with someone else.
And so, my life is back on track and I can wake up with a renewed appreciation for life and for patience, a virtue that is mostly hard for me to maintain.
I have been happily un-attached for quite some time and I have embraced every opportunity that has presented itself. And no, I don’t mean opportunity in the form of a man. My idea of opportunity has come in the form of a career, of goals, of dreams. I have been able to build friendships that I neglected to do as what I refer to as a “serial monogamous girlfriend”. I was literally jumping from one relationship to the next; always faithful and always giving. I spent so much time making everyone else happy that I left no time for myself. Do I regret it? No. Not one bit. I remain a very selfless person and will strive to be selfless throughout the continuation of my Earthly life. When I give to people I have never and will never expect anything in return EXCEPT the same love and respect they get from me. There’s also the understanding and ability to get my sarcastic humor, but those usually come after some time around me.
I get that I am a hard one to figure out. I think 50% is because I like it that way and the other half is because I think everyone deserves to keep a little mystery. I’ve learned the mystery is what keeps a relationship on fire. I am a very passionate person and being able to get or give something new from time to time definitely keeps things alive. Unfortunately, the ‘mystery’ can not all the time be good. I have never been unfaithful, but being human I have been tempted on numerous occasions. But, I’ve realized that those moments of weakness came upon a time of unhappiness and loneliness. I’ve been broken down and cheated on to a point where even I thought I would never allow myself to love again.
I have worked diligently over the past 18 months to re-build the foundations of “Tiffany”. I have re-paved the lines of thought, colored in the outlines and sewn up my broken heart. I have built a bigger and better me as a result of the pain I have experienced. But, with every new construction, do come kinks along the way – the potholes if you will. I never plan to be brand new. I like to think of myself as a quilt – one that women in the 18 & 1900’s would sit together and sew. Little pieces of random memories and experiences all sewn together to make one piece of work. A fine collection.
I enjoy being single, being happy on my own but there are times of loneliness and wishful thinking for something more which brings me to my point. I love my friends. I love weddings, but sometimes their happy endings can be unhappy for me. My oldest and dearest best friend was married March 28, 2009 as you will know if you read my previous post. The wedding was to die for and unforgettable – just like anything major that Sarah does. After it was all said and done, I found myself very sad. Partly because I so enjoyed everything leading up to and immediately following, but mostly because I sat back to wonder if she would ever share in that same happiness for me. I quit looking for love a long time ago and knew that if it were to happen, it would find me – as it should. I’m told that when you do quit looking, often times it does find you.
I don’t want to start looking again, nor do I want to find someone to ‘settle’ with, but I sometimes just crave being in the arms of someone, laughing until I cry with someone and sharing new & old experiences with someone. It probably sounds completely ridiculous – even I think I sound a little ridiculous, but it is how I feel at this moment. I have spent the past week in this dark place where I have had doubt that I will ever find that happiness that most of my friends and family now have. I miss the companionship.
Coming into this weekend I was still feeling rather ‘down’ with no sight of any light at the end of any tunnel. I spent yesterday in Tampa with my cousin for her little boy’s 2nd birthday. It was nice to be around family, friends and all of their kids. It gave me hope again and I started to come around. I woke up this morning with a new perspective (once again) and found myself almost back to normal. My cousin and I sat down for a coffee (tea for me) and talked for nearly 3 hours. It felt as though we were back in the days of her being single when we would sit up all night gabbing about this and that. How boys were awful and there didn’t seem to be anyone worth keeping around. But I look at her and remember that she was me just a few years ago, in the same position, and now she has a great husband and 2 beautiful kids and aside from the everyday kinks in her life, she is happy. It renews my faith in love and happiness and I sit here now knowing that it will, indeed, be okay.
I am (again) content with my single status. I’m okay with that fact that I will go to bed alone tonight and I am grateful that I am here to live another day that will be full of new experiences. I know that I will find my happiness. It will be unlike any of those of my friends or family. It will be my own personal happiness that only I get to experience with the person that loves me for me, that WANTS to make me happy. But, for now, I am happy with me. I have the happiness that many will never know, that many never take the time to find. The most important journey in life is the one to self-discovery. Indeed it is a journey that never ends, but without happiness with yourself you will never find it with someone else.
And so, my life is back on track and I can wake up with a renewed appreciation for life and for patience, a virtue that is mostly hard for me to maintain.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Quality Over Quantity ...
So I just came off one of the busiest weekends of my life and it wasn't even anything to do with me! I am surely not complaining because while I got to be a part of my best friend's incredible wedding, I had an amazing time.
While final arrangements were being made, Sarah started off the festivities with all of her b-maids (that's bridesmaids for anyone that couldn't quite figure that out) at Allure on Thursday. The b-maids were as follows:
Liz Suits
Jennifer Powell
Moi
Ashley Lord
Destini Dexter
We had a spa day getting manicures & pedicures and catching up since some of us hadn't seen each other in years. I actually had the laptop out, working, while everyone else was chatting up a storm, although I did manage to pop in and out of a few conversations. After we were beautified we headed out for a final fitting of our dresses. This is probably where - had I been Sarah - I would have freaked out. All of our dresses needed alterations and we were heading out of town the next day at noon. She kept her cool and no Diva attitude came a-flyin'. Following our fittings, we scurried off to meet up with a few other girls to gather for Sarah's Bachelorette evening. So begins the next chapter ...
We started off at Liz's house to pass out favors and dress Sarah in the ridiculous and flamboyant attire that any bride should have to wear on her Bachelorette evening. We started with dinner at The Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City, FL. Sarah had never been and expressed interest in going so we made it happen. There were nine of us girls total. After a few pitchers of their infamous Sangria, a smorgasbord of food and even a few desserts we headed over to Channelside for some bowling shenanigans at Splittsville. We laughed and drank (bowls) our way through each set, often taking breaks for photo ops. I'm pretty sure we intimidated the lane of guys next to us. Since our group consisted of mostly Mothers and work-a-holics we were all exhausted by midnight and headed out after a short stop at Howl at the Moon and several failed attempts to get Sarah to the Dollhouse. Besides, the next few days would be hell ...
On Friday morning I had to head back to Tampa for a hair appointment. (Side note: To make a long story short, my stylist flew the coup and left me without a hair trim and touch-up so thank goodness for the owner of the salon that would be doing our hair for the wedding taking Sarah and I in (literally) at the last minute). My appointment ran long and after a quick stop to Urban Outfitters for a dress I headed back to Lakeland to pack my bags ONLY to have to turn right back around and fight the traffic to Clearwater. I had to be at rehearsal and 4:45 pm and at that very time I was still stuck on 275 near downtown Tampa going 5 miles an hour. It was like living in LA all over again, except only half the lanes. I booked it across the Courtney Campbell and made it just in time to do a few walk-thrus. I met my wedding partner and after a few jealous remarks from the girls we got in line to walk the walk. After the rehearsal we headed back into Tampa to Maggiano's for the rehearsal dinner where I sat with the 'loud people'. Sarah was sure to seat all of the possible offenders together in the corner at one table. She was probably right in doing so since our table conversations consisted of everything from sex to heritage. No topic was out of reach and I am willing to bet we covered all the bases. The wine probably didn't help either. It was basically Jenn and I with all of Chris' (the groom) co-workers. I realized at that dinner that five years of French did me no good and that Spanish should have been my language of choice to learn in school, but I think I caught on to how to say a few curse words en espanol. After dinner we said our goodbyes to our new friends and headed to Safety Harbor where our suite overlooking the water awaited us. Now, when you've known people for years and years, modesty kinda gets thrown out of the window. Whereas I am typically a modest person, when you have 5 girls in a room and you need to shower - you do what you got to do. I think at one point there was one in the bath tub, one in the shower, one at the toilet, one at the sink and one in the other bathroom brushing their teeth. No two bodies alike either. But that kind of comfort is something that doesn't come along very often. After the baths, showers, face-washings, teethbrushing and pottying, we set up shop in our insanely comfortable beds. Destini and I shared while Sarah & Jenn got the other and Ashley camped out on the bed in the other room. Our heads hit those down pillows and we were out like an anorexic in a cannonball contest ...
Saturday morning came all too quick. I was so anxious I may have gotten 3 hours of sleep. Apparently that was the trend for everyone else as well seeing as how Me, Destini, Sarah and Jenn all snuggled up into one bed just before 5 AM to reminisce and look to the future for about 3 hours. I think even a few pictures were taken so heaven forbid those make an appearance on a public website. We ordered room service and after our bellys were full we packed out wedding day bags so that once hair and makeup was done we'd be off to the Kapok. Hair & Makeup, along with our photographers showed up just before 10 AM. Flashes were flying and bobby pins being shoved into our heads. Somehow Elena even managed to make my short hair look like I had hair in an up-do. I was informed that one of the photographers was crushing on me a little bit and I didn't notice until he started snapping shots of me sitting there LISTENING to the bride who was sitting right across from me. The main photographer's name was Phillip, but I was insistent on calling him Patrick, which thankfully he was cool with because he just did not look like a Phillip. Besides, what I say goes - okay maybe not this particular weekend, but that's the norm! After numerous shots of before and afters we loaded up and headed out to the venue.
The Kapok Tree is located in Clearwater, FL hidden away behind a Sam Ash building. This place is reminiscent of the Grand Ballroom from the Titanic. The gardens are donned with marble cherub statues, aquamarine blue fountains and greenery that could easily compare to one of the lower gardens at The Biltmore. The place is incredible and that is just the courtyard. Inside was a spectacle. The Cocktail Hour room reminded me of a 1950's Gentlemans' Club found in Manhattan, with crush velvet walls and wooden furniture. The room that doubled as the Ceremony room and the Dessert room (yes there was a room with nothing but desserts) was softly lit by a magnificent chandelier and the decor was in white and gold with large white pillars and more marble cherubs. The dining / reception hall was laid out below ceiling to floor glass windows overlooking the back gardens. The tables so elegantly detailed with gold and white. You look behind to see a cascading grand staircase coming down from both sides of the upper balcony. It was incredible.
We got to the Kapok around 2:30 and hurried into our dresses. We headed downstairs to take pictures and do some last-minute walk throughs. Jenn and I took it upon ourselves to give the ceremony room a once-over and thank goodness we did. We did a little rearranging and made things look beyond perfect (go us). After we finished pictures, we played Who Wants to Be a Millionaire on Lori's phone and just sat back and relaxed before we had to head down to the aisle. Sarah looked beautiful. Honest to God, she was a Princess. I powdered Jenn's thighs, made some last minute makeup touchups and sanitized Destini's lip gloss that I gave her (long story, but a funny one). We hooked up with our male escorts (not in the literal sense) and made our way down the aisle. Before Sarah even made it 3 feet down the aisle Jenn and I's waterworks began. Enter Niagara Falls. Everything was just so beautiful and smooth that we were overcome with happiness and appreciation to be a part of Sarah's day.
The ceremony lasted all of 15 minutes - just as Sarah had promised. We headed out only to come back in after the guests had made their way to Cocktail Hour to take more pictures. After pictures, the wedding party were directed upstairs away from the food (we were all starving) and drinks to wait around until everyone was seated at their tables so that we could make our grand entrance down the staircase. When the time came, I was just so famished that I may have forgotten to smile at the photographer(s) and videographer when we reached the bottom. At least I had a handsome partner - who by the way I gave hell to the entire weekend. Poor guy. He was so darn adorable too. Anyway, he was fine because every single woman (and even the taken ones) were throwing themselves at him at the reception - which made for great conversation later that night and at work on Monday. A guy who strongly resembled Seth MacFarlane sang and danced to the famed "Be Our Guest" (from Beauty & The Beast) and the first course began. Sarah danced with Chris to Lifehouse's "You And Me" and then followed with the Father / Daughter dance to "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart. The meal was fantastic, even though the price per plate still chokes me up. By the time I had made my way around the room talking to everyone it was time to head into the dessert room and up to the Casino upstairs. The cake was MMMMazing, just like everything else. Last call came before I had even had a chance to make first call. Although I did make it up to the bar twice to get some drinks for Jenn and Ayden (who btw is also ADORABLE and the future surrogate father to my unborn child if I can help it - ha) and the bartender totally hit on me. Had I known that I'd end up stag the rest of the evening I would have made better conversation with him because he was pretty darn charming. Anyway, I gambled and got up to a hefty number of chips but then got called away to come downstairs for the tossing of the bouquet and garter. Both rituals I would normally love to steer clear of but since I promised Sarah so many things out of my character I figured I would stick to those promises. A co-worker caught the bouquet - I was hoping it would be Jenn just to prove to Sarah she was indeed wearing underwear this time around. My walking partner (AKA The Spaniard) of course caught the garter. I called that one the night before, as did everyone else I am sure. Her leg was up before he even got down. I think she was pretty excited. Hell, I probably would have been too. The Spaniard spun me around on the dance floor before Sarah and Chris made their way down the stairs to drive off into the night and then to London.
The girls went back upstairs to start packing up while I chatted up The Spaniard for what ended up being my last glance of his appetizing 5 o'clock shadow. (I have a thing for facial hair - I'm a total sucker) He never said goodbye and my heart was broken into a thousand pieces. Okay, not exactly true, but had etiquette come into play I would've at least gotten a "Goodbye, nice walking with you, flirting with you and being bossed around by you", right? So we collected our things and made our way back to our suite at the resort.
First things first was to wash the make up and hairspray right down the drain of that glorious shower. (That shower had spouts coming out from every direction. It was like Heaven.) I'm not even sure I even blow dried my hair. I got in bed and cuddled up to Jenn and Ayden and laughed about the night's events. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.
"Sunday morning, rain is falling ..." Yes, it's a song, but also is true about the next morning. I was actually kind of glad that I had forgotten my bikini. On top of not having any free time to go outside in it, the weather was gloomy - just like my attitude. I don't know what my problem is the day after a wedding, but it is never a happy one. Happy for the couple, yes, but for me there is always something off. Sometimes it is thoughts of whether or not I will have this for myself one day and other times it is having to say goodbye to so many things and people. To cheer myself up I went and saw "I Love You, Man" with a friend after I dropped some kids off at the airport. Funny movie, wrong time to see it. I was in the dumpster and not successful at trying to dig through the banana peels and restaurant leftovers. Here it is, two days later, and although I am feeling a little better the gloom is still looming.
I spoke to Sarah just before they boarded their plane to Londontown which made a lot of difference. Sarah is my best friend, my cousin (yes, its true and we can date it going back to Robert E. Lee) and an adopted sister. If I could give one single person credit for getting me back to Florida from LA it would be a tie between her and my Grandmother. Although we are so different in so many ways, she loves me and accepts me as I am. A feat that many avoid taking on. I love her dearly and am so very happy for her. She got her fairytale and deserves every bit of fairy dust. She is beautiful inside and out and without her friendship and love I would be in a far different place than I find myself today. I suppose that kind of friendship is rare - the kind that led me to sit in her car for four hours during her first meeting with Chris. It was supposed to have been a 30-minute wait and while most people would have put their foot down, I knew that something must have sparked and chose to let the spark turn to fire because that is how much I love her. We have had so many memories together and I can only hope that we will have that many more. We terrorized babysitters while our parents were on weekend retreats; she taught me about cucumbers with Ranch dressing; we devoured entire pizzas (singlehandedly) in one sitting; we organized our own fashion shows; we choreographed numbers to The Lion King; antagonized our little sisters; snuck mini bottles of white zinfandel from Edgewater Beach Drive; cheered together on Gators; graduated 'modeling school' together; were forced to be in church musicals together; stayed at every Embassy Suites together in Central Florida; took roads trips; suffered through church camp; discovered heartbreak from boys and the realization that we really could not sing despite what our parents had led us to believe; she introduced me to American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance and I will miss watching with her; we cooked together (and boy did she come a long way from burning soup!); we scammed our daddys for money; jetskied through Red Tide and walked around The Ritz asking fellow guests if they'd like some Grey Poupon. We have shared so many things and she will forever be my Bestist Fwend four liefe. :)
What an amazing weekend ... what an amazing life as friends that will continue on ...
While final arrangements were being made, Sarah started off the festivities with all of her b-maids (that's bridesmaids for anyone that couldn't quite figure that out) at Allure on Thursday. The b-maids were as follows:
Liz Suits
Jennifer Powell
Moi
Ashley Lord
Destini Dexter
We had a spa day getting manicures & pedicures and catching up since some of us hadn't seen each other in years. I actually had the laptop out, working, while everyone else was chatting up a storm, although I did manage to pop in and out of a few conversations. After we were beautified we headed out for a final fitting of our dresses. This is probably where - had I been Sarah - I would have freaked out. All of our dresses needed alterations and we were heading out of town the next day at noon. She kept her cool and no Diva attitude came a-flyin'. Following our fittings, we scurried off to meet up with a few other girls to gather for Sarah's Bachelorette evening. So begins the next chapter ...
We started off at Liz's house to pass out favors and dress Sarah in the ridiculous and flamboyant attire that any bride should have to wear on her Bachelorette evening. We started with dinner at The Columbia Restaurant in Ybor City, FL. Sarah had never been and expressed interest in going so we made it happen. There were nine of us girls total. After a few pitchers of their infamous Sangria, a smorgasbord of food and even a few desserts we headed over to Channelside for some bowling shenanigans at Splittsville. We laughed and drank (bowls) our way through each set, often taking breaks for photo ops. I'm pretty sure we intimidated the lane of guys next to us. Since our group consisted of mostly Mothers and work-a-holics we were all exhausted by midnight and headed out after a short stop at Howl at the Moon and several failed attempts to get Sarah to the Dollhouse. Besides, the next few days would be hell ...
On Friday morning I had to head back to Tampa for a hair appointment. (Side note: To make a long story short, my stylist flew the coup and left me without a hair trim and touch-up so thank goodness for the owner of the salon that would be doing our hair for the wedding taking Sarah and I in (literally) at the last minute). My appointment ran long and after a quick stop to Urban Outfitters for a dress I headed back to Lakeland to pack my bags ONLY to have to turn right back around and fight the traffic to Clearwater. I had to be at rehearsal and 4:45 pm and at that very time I was still stuck on 275 near downtown Tampa going 5 miles an hour. It was like living in LA all over again, except only half the lanes. I booked it across the Courtney Campbell and made it just in time to do a few walk-thrus. I met my wedding partner and after a few jealous remarks from the girls we got in line to walk the walk. After the rehearsal we headed back into Tampa to Maggiano's for the rehearsal dinner where I sat with the 'loud people'. Sarah was sure to seat all of the possible offenders together in the corner at one table. She was probably right in doing so since our table conversations consisted of everything from sex to heritage. No topic was out of reach and I am willing to bet we covered all the bases. The wine probably didn't help either. It was basically Jenn and I with all of Chris' (the groom) co-workers. I realized at that dinner that five years of French did me no good and that Spanish should have been my language of choice to learn in school, but I think I caught on to how to say a few curse words en espanol. After dinner we said our goodbyes to our new friends and headed to Safety Harbor where our suite overlooking the water awaited us. Now, when you've known people for years and years, modesty kinda gets thrown out of the window. Whereas I am typically a modest person, when you have 5 girls in a room and you need to shower - you do what you got to do. I think at one point there was one in the bath tub, one in the shower, one at the toilet, one at the sink and one in the other bathroom brushing their teeth. No two bodies alike either. But that kind of comfort is something that doesn't come along very often. After the baths, showers, face-washings, teethbrushing and pottying, we set up shop in our insanely comfortable beds. Destini and I shared while Sarah & Jenn got the other and Ashley camped out on the bed in the other room. Our heads hit those down pillows and we were out like an anorexic in a cannonball contest ...
Saturday morning came all too quick. I was so anxious I may have gotten 3 hours of sleep. Apparently that was the trend for everyone else as well seeing as how Me, Destini, Sarah and Jenn all snuggled up into one bed just before 5 AM to reminisce and look to the future for about 3 hours. I think even a few pictures were taken so heaven forbid those make an appearance on a public website. We ordered room service and after our bellys were full we packed out wedding day bags so that once hair and makeup was done we'd be off to the Kapok. Hair & Makeup, along with our photographers showed up just before 10 AM. Flashes were flying and bobby pins being shoved into our heads. Somehow Elena even managed to make my short hair look like I had hair in an up-do. I was informed that one of the photographers was crushing on me a little bit and I didn't notice until he started snapping shots of me sitting there LISTENING to the bride who was sitting right across from me. The main photographer's name was Phillip, but I was insistent on calling him Patrick, which thankfully he was cool with because he just did not look like a Phillip. Besides, what I say goes - okay maybe not this particular weekend, but that's the norm! After numerous shots of before and afters we loaded up and headed out to the venue.
The Kapok Tree is located in Clearwater, FL hidden away behind a Sam Ash building. This place is reminiscent of the Grand Ballroom from the Titanic. The gardens are donned with marble cherub statues, aquamarine blue fountains and greenery that could easily compare to one of the lower gardens at The Biltmore. The place is incredible and that is just the courtyard. Inside was a spectacle. The Cocktail Hour room reminded me of a 1950's Gentlemans' Club found in Manhattan, with crush velvet walls and wooden furniture. The room that doubled as the Ceremony room and the Dessert room (yes there was a room with nothing but desserts) was softly lit by a magnificent chandelier and the decor was in white and gold with large white pillars and more marble cherubs. The dining / reception hall was laid out below ceiling to floor glass windows overlooking the back gardens. The tables so elegantly detailed with gold and white. You look behind to see a cascading grand staircase coming down from both sides of the upper balcony. It was incredible.
We got to the Kapok around 2:30 and hurried into our dresses. We headed downstairs to take pictures and do some last-minute walk throughs. Jenn and I took it upon ourselves to give the ceremony room a once-over and thank goodness we did. We did a little rearranging and made things look beyond perfect (go us). After we finished pictures, we played Who Wants to Be a Millionaire on Lori's phone and just sat back and relaxed before we had to head down to the aisle. Sarah looked beautiful. Honest to God, she was a Princess. I powdered Jenn's thighs, made some last minute makeup touchups and sanitized Destini's lip gloss that I gave her (long story, but a funny one). We hooked up with our male escorts (not in the literal sense) and made our way down the aisle. Before Sarah even made it 3 feet down the aisle Jenn and I's waterworks began. Enter Niagara Falls. Everything was just so beautiful and smooth that we were overcome with happiness and appreciation to be a part of Sarah's day.
The ceremony lasted all of 15 minutes - just as Sarah had promised. We headed out only to come back in after the guests had made their way to Cocktail Hour to take more pictures. After pictures, the wedding party were directed upstairs away from the food (we were all starving) and drinks to wait around until everyone was seated at their tables so that we could make our grand entrance down the staircase. When the time came, I was just so famished that I may have forgotten to smile at the photographer(s) and videographer when we reached the bottom. At least I had a handsome partner - who by the way I gave hell to the entire weekend. Poor guy. He was so darn adorable too. Anyway, he was fine because every single woman (and even the taken ones) were throwing themselves at him at the reception - which made for great conversation later that night and at work on Monday. A guy who strongly resembled Seth MacFarlane sang and danced to the famed "Be Our Guest" (from Beauty & The Beast) and the first course began. Sarah danced with Chris to Lifehouse's "You And Me" and then followed with the Father / Daughter dance to "Forever Young" by Rod Stewart. The meal was fantastic, even though the price per plate still chokes me up. By the time I had made my way around the room talking to everyone it was time to head into the dessert room and up to the Casino upstairs. The cake was MMMMazing, just like everything else. Last call came before I had even had a chance to make first call. Although I did make it up to the bar twice to get some drinks for Jenn and Ayden (who btw is also ADORABLE and the future surrogate father to my unborn child if I can help it - ha) and the bartender totally hit on me. Had I known that I'd end up stag the rest of the evening I would have made better conversation with him because he was pretty darn charming. Anyway, I gambled and got up to a hefty number of chips but then got called away to come downstairs for the tossing of the bouquet and garter. Both rituals I would normally love to steer clear of but since I promised Sarah so many things out of my character I figured I would stick to those promises. A co-worker caught the bouquet - I was hoping it would be Jenn just to prove to Sarah she was indeed wearing underwear this time around. My walking partner (AKA The Spaniard) of course caught the garter. I called that one the night before, as did everyone else I am sure. Her leg was up before he even got down. I think she was pretty excited. Hell, I probably would have been too. The Spaniard spun me around on the dance floor before Sarah and Chris made their way down the stairs to drive off into the night and then to London.
The girls went back upstairs to start packing up while I chatted up The Spaniard for what ended up being my last glance of his appetizing 5 o'clock shadow. (I have a thing for facial hair - I'm a total sucker) He never said goodbye and my heart was broken into a thousand pieces. Okay, not exactly true, but had etiquette come into play I would've at least gotten a "Goodbye, nice walking with you, flirting with you and being bossed around by you", right? So we collected our things and made our way back to our suite at the resort.
First things first was to wash the make up and hairspray right down the drain of that glorious shower. (That shower had spouts coming out from every direction. It was like Heaven.) I'm not even sure I even blow dried my hair. I got in bed and cuddled up to Jenn and Ayden and laughed about the night's events. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out.
"Sunday morning, rain is falling ..." Yes, it's a song, but also is true about the next morning. I was actually kind of glad that I had forgotten my bikini. On top of not having any free time to go outside in it, the weather was gloomy - just like my attitude. I don't know what my problem is the day after a wedding, but it is never a happy one. Happy for the couple, yes, but for me there is always something off. Sometimes it is thoughts of whether or not I will have this for myself one day and other times it is having to say goodbye to so many things and people. To cheer myself up I went and saw "I Love You, Man" with a friend after I dropped some kids off at the airport. Funny movie, wrong time to see it. I was in the dumpster and not successful at trying to dig through the banana peels and restaurant leftovers. Here it is, two days later, and although I am feeling a little better the gloom is still looming.
I spoke to Sarah just before they boarded their plane to Londontown which made a lot of difference. Sarah is my best friend, my cousin (yes, its true and we can date it going back to Robert E. Lee) and an adopted sister. If I could give one single person credit for getting me back to Florida from LA it would be a tie between her and my Grandmother. Although we are so different in so many ways, she loves me and accepts me as I am. A feat that many avoid taking on. I love her dearly and am so very happy for her. She got her fairytale and deserves every bit of fairy dust. She is beautiful inside and out and without her friendship and love I would be in a far different place than I find myself today. I suppose that kind of friendship is rare - the kind that led me to sit in her car for four hours during her first meeting with Chris. It was supposed to have been a 30-minute wait and while most people would have put their foot down, I knew that something must have sparked and chose to let the spark turn to fire because that is how much I love her. We have had so many memories together and I can only hope that we will have that many more. We terrorized babysitters while our parents were on weekend retreats; she taught me about cucumbers with Ranch dressing; we devoured entire pizzas (singlehandedly) in one sitting; we organized our own fashion shows; we choreographed numbers to The Lion King; antagonized our little sisters; snuck mini bottles of white zinfandel from Edgewater Beach Drive; cheered together on Gators; graduated 'modeling school' together; were forced to be in church musicals together; stayed at every Embassy Suites together in Central Florida; took roads trips; suffered through church camp; discovered heartbreak from boys and the realization that we really could not sing despite what our parents had led us to believe; she introduced me to American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance and I will miss watching with her; we cooked together (and boy did she come a long way from burning soup!); we scammed our daddys for money; jetskied through Red Tide and walked around The Ritz asking fellow guests if they'd like some Grey Poupon. We have shared so many things and she will forever be my Bestist Fwend four liefe. :)
What an amazing weekend ... what an amazing life as friends that will continue on ...
Monday, March 2, 2009
Run Forrest Run ...
So I branched out this past weekend. I participated in the annual Gasparilla Distance Classic, running in the 5K. So you have a clear view of just how prepared I was, the last time I ran was approximately 11 months ago. I mean, I take the stairs at work and walk the neighborhood about once or twice a month, but other than that I do my yoga and pilates - and that is if I get time to do that!
I got a call from my dear friend, Melissa, last Wednesday asking me to run the 5K with her. Since I am up for any challenge (well, most any) I said yes. I went out that night and, with the assistance of my father who used to run, I bought some new trainers. I did a fast on Friday to shed some water weight and stuffed myself with pasta that night to store some energy I would need the following morning.
I headed over to South Tampa early Saturday morning to meet up with Mel and her parents. We had a quick breakfast at Daily Eats (a must if you live in South Tampa). I had 2 egg whites scrambled with sliced tomatoes and water while the other three had fresh fruit with oatmeal. We headed down to Bayshore to get in line for the race to begin. The race started off rather smoothly. I had a good pace, although I was getting passed left and right - even by the little old man with two feet in the grave and braces on both of his knees. I had my iPod going and was 'in the zone'. I got about 3/4 of a mile and I had to slow my pace. My heart felt like it was going to burst right through my chest. I did my jog/walk for about 1/4 mile then got back in my run mode. At this point I was on Bayshore with a clear view of the water. The sun was shining and it was a brisk 69 degrees. Perfect day for a run. I made it about another mile before I had to slow down again - this time because my ankle was telling me that it couldn't take much more (I had failed to get a cortisone shot the day before). I walked for about 100 yards and pushed myself to finish the last of the race, at least by jogging. To pass the time I did my random fist pumps and drooled over cute boys without their shirts on with their pectorals glistening from the sweat. Hey, can you blame me? I reached what I thought was the finish line, but turns out it was a ploy. They were just taking pictures. I thought I was going to die. I continued on my way and at last I finally saw the Publix banner marking the finish line. I was about 50 yards out when I felt my body react to the realization that it was almost quitting time. It did all I could to keep from passing out - besides I couldn't slow down in front of all those thousands of people. Me embarass myself? I think not. I crossed the finish line at 38 minutes, 55 seconds. Not only did I impress myself, but all my friends and family that threatened to disown me should I finish last - behind the mothers (and fathers) with strollers.
I was 452nd in my division (age group) and I came in just over 5,000 overall in a group of over 12,000 registered runners - although just under 9,000 actually finished the race. I made a goal for myself and I accomplished it and in the meantime managed to exceed my expectations. I had so much adrenaline running through my body by the conclusion of the race that I couldn't sit still for the rest of the day. I was ready to run again, but instead played motor mouth to Mel and her family. We headed up to the Convention Center (after we found each other. We failed to make a plan to have a meeting point following the race) and perused the different booths they had set up inside. I walked away with a lot of schwag and the motivation to enter more races in the coming months.
It's such a positive feeling walking away knowing you did something worthwhile that can also lead to more challenges down the road.
My name is Tiffany J and I am (now) a runner. Woo hoo!
Muddy Buddy here I come ...
I got a call from my dear friend, Melissa, last Wednesday asking me to run the 5K with her. Since I am up for any challenge (well, most any) I said yes. I went out that night and, with the assistance of my father who used to run, I bought some new trainers. I did a fast on Friday to shed some water weight and stuffed myself with pasta that night to store some energy I would need the following morning.
I headed over to South Tampa early Saturday morning to meet up with Mel and her parents. We had a quick breakfast at Daily Eats (a must if you live in South Tampa). I had 2 egg whites scrambled with sliced tomatoes and water while the other three had fresh fruit with oatmeal. We headed down to Bayshore to get in line for the race to begin. The race started off rather smoothly. I had a good pace, although I was getting passed left and right - even by the little old man with two feet in the grave and braces on both of his knees. I had my iPod going and was 'in the zone'. I got about 3/4 of a mile and I had to slow my pace. My heart felt like it was going to burst right through my chest. I did my jog/walk for about 1/4 mile then got back in my run mode. At this point I was on Bayshore with a clear view of the water. The sun was shining and it was a brisk 69 degrees. Perfect day for a run. I made it about another mile before I had to slow down again - this time because my ankle was telling me that it couldn't take much more (I had failed to get a cortisone shot the day before). I walked for about 100 yards and pushed myself to finish the last of the race, at least by jogging. To pass the time I did my random fist pumps and drooled over cute boys without their shirts on with their pectorals glistening from the sweat. Hey, can you blame me? I reached what I thought was the finish line, but turns out it was a ploy. They were just taking pictures. I thought I was going to die. I continued on my way and at last I finally saw the Publix banner marking the finish line. I was about 50 yards out when I felt my body react to the realization that it was almost quitting time. It did all I could to keep from passing out - besides I couldn't slow down in front of all those thousands of people. Me embarass myself? I think not. I crossed the finish line at 38 minutes, 55 seconds. Not only did I impress myself, but all my friends and family that threatened to disown me should I finish last - behind the mothers (and fathers) with strollers.
I was 452nd in my division (age group) and I came in just over 5,000 overall in a group of over 12,000 registered runners - although just under 9,000 actually finished the race. I made a goal for myself and I accomplished it and in the meantime managed to exceed my expectations. I had so much adrenaline running through my body by the conclusion of the race that I couldn't sit still for the rest of the day. I was ready to run again, but instead played motor mouth to Mel and her family. We headed up to the Convention Center (after we found each other. We failed to make a plan to have a meeting point following the race) and perused the different booths they had set up inside. I walked away with a lot of schwag and the motivation to enter more races in the coming months.
It's such a positive feeling walking away knowing you did something worthwhile that can also lead to more challenges down the road.
My name is Tiffany J and I am (now) a runner. Woo hoo!
Muddy Buddy here I come ...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tiffanism #17
When you replace something broken with a newer version, the old one starts working again.
Example: I went to Best Buy last night and cashed in on some gift cards I had from Christmas. I opted to replace my old iPod. It's a classic alright. A white 60GB. The thing is a tank and I've had it for a while. I went with a 4th Generation Nano this time around - in black. So I go home last night and play around on the computer, register the iPod, upload some songs then go to bed. This morning I wake up and dig through my drawer for my old iPod to take to work to just 'see' if it would even charge (a few months ago it would even shed an ounce of light or power). I plug it into my computer at work and BAM! It works! Funny how that happens. It makes me wonder if the Apple throws a chip into the 'hard drive' that enables them to manually control what the iPod does. Maybe they randomly decided to cease all function on mine to get me to buy a new one then as soon as I swipe my card at Best Buy and it rings up for a new iPod they give me power again. Hey - it's possible. Anything is possible, especially in this day and age and especially with the current state of our economy.
I mean really ...
Example: I went to Best Buy last night and cashed in on some gift cards I had from Christmas. I opted to replace my old iPod. It's a classic alright. A white 60GB. The thing is a tank and I've had it for a while. I went with a 4th Generation Nano this time around - in black. So I go home last night and play around on the computer, register the iPod, upload some songs then go to bed. This morning I wake up and dig through my drawer for my old iPod to take to work to just 'see' if it would even charge (a few months ago it would even shed an ounce of light or power). I plug it into my computer at work and BAM! It works! Funny how that happens. It makes me wonder if the Apple throws a chip into the 'hard drive' that enables them to manually control what the iPod does. Maybe they randomly decided to cease all function on mine to get me to buy a new one then as soon as I swipe my card at Best Buy and it rings up for a new iPod they give me power again. Hey - it's possible. Anything is possible, especially in this day and age and especially with the current state of our economy.
I mean really ...
Thursday, February 26, 2009
God is my Supreme Court Justice ...
I can easily be pegged for the black sheep of the family. I have piercings, tattoos and think openly about controversial topics rarely accepted by the Pentecostal faith that I was raised a part of. I don't like most titles so for me to say that I am this or that would be a stretch. What I am though is a Christian. I most definitely believe in God and he is the one I ask to forgive my daily sins.
I may have a very unorthodox way of being a believer, but it works for me. My parents have learned that beneath the colorful ink on my skin and the 'out of the box' thinking I am still the same sweet girl they raised with strong moral beliefs and values. I cannot tell you how differently I am treated by the groups of people that I grew up around in church when they see me now. They see the outside appearance and it fires off some sort of alarm to stop there and not to bother understanding the real me. These people that also call themselves Christians are the ones that persecute me most. I must say that even several of my own family members treat me as if I am an outsider. It is truly sad, but you know what? It's not about what they think, it's about what I do and how I lead my life that is important. If I feel a comfort in the way I live my life and treat my relationship with God then that is all I need to go to bed at night knowing that I am indeed a good person.
It saddens me to listen to all the negativity. One of the biggest reasons why 'outsiders' lash out against the Christian faith so often is because they are persecuted against so harshly. As Christians we are taught to love each the same, equally. I may not like everyone, but they deserve the same respect that I feel I do. Whether they are gay, a different race, different faith - whatever - they are all the same to me. I have friends that cover the entire board and they aren't my friends because of what they believe but how they treat and love me. Love is a common bond and when you can truly be yourself around someone it is a pretty good indicator that they are a lifer (friend for life).
I am happy with who I am. I have fought tooth and nail to find the confidence to love the real me. Now that I have found it I never want to let it go. I ignore the naysayers and pray for them to find the satisfaction they need to help them sleep at night. I just wish everyone could see in color and not the black and white that generations before were raised to see.
Peace and love to ALL.
I may have a very unorthodox way of being a believer, but it works for me. My parents have learned that beneath the colorful ink on my skin and the 'out of the box' thinking I am still the same sweet girl they raised with strong moral beliefs and values. I cannot tell you how differently I am treated by the groups of people that I grew up around in church when they see me now. They see the outside appearance and it fires off some sort of alarm to stop there and not to bother understanding the real me. These people that also call themselves Christians are the ones that persecute me most. I must say that even several of my own family members treat me as if I am an outsider. It is truly sad, but you know what? It's not about what they think, it's about what I do and how I lead my life that is important. If I feel a comfort in the way I live my life and treat my relationship with God then that is all I need to go to bed at night knowing that I am indeed a good person.
It saddens me to listen to all the negativity. One of the biggest reasons why 'outsiders' lash out against the Christian faith so often is because they are persecuted against so harshly. As Christians we are taught to love each the same, equally. I may not like everyone, but they deserve the same respect that I feel I do. Whether they are gay, a different race, different faith - whatever - they are all the same to me. I have friends that cover the entire board and they aren't my friends because of what they believe but how they treat and love me. Love is a common bond and when you can truly be yourself around someone it is a pretty good indicator that they are a lifer (friend for life).
I am happy with who I am. I have fought tooth and nail to find the confidence to love the real me. Now that I have found it I never want to let it go. I ignore the naysayers and pray for them to find the satisfaction they need to help them sleep at night. I just wish everyone could see in color and not the black and white that generations before were raised to see.
Peace and love to ALL.
You Like My Body? TrimSex, Baby ...
I recently read that making 'whoopee' can help you burn, on average, about 300 calories. It is no wonder why I seem and look a little 'healthier' now that I am single. I'm not feeling the burn - no, not that kind of burn! The burn you feel when you're workin' on your fitness. Maybe I need to find a work out partner. I just have to make sure he is in pretty good shape, like he has a good routine; but not one of those guys that looks like he works out multiple times daily that has probably hit every weight in the room.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Oh No She Did Not ...
I absolutely despise being told what to do. Always have and probably always will. I especially cannot stand the people that stand there and try to tell you every little detail of what you are supposed to do as if I do not already know. I am A) an adult and B) a pretty intelligent individual.
I have always learned best on my own, with help only when I ask for it. I hate having people looking over my shoulder and criticizing my way of doing things. I am a highly organized person and have a method for pretty much everything I do - no matter how out of order it may seem. I live in organized chaos. Meaning: that my life is very chaotic but I still manage to be organized and know exactly what I need to - and then some. I think I work better under pressure and thrive off of a little chaos. When I am bored, I am un-motivated. I love a challenge, but in the working world a challenge does not mean throw everything at me to see how much I can handle before I break under pressure. You have to be realistic and I am smart enough to know that while I do handle myself well under pressure, I do have a breaking point. I have actually reached that breaking point on several occasions and it has taken all of my strength and that of others not to lash out.
I am a laid back kinda girl and let a lot roll off my shoulders, but when enough is enough I will certainly let you know. I am not afraid of hurting feelings and my honesty can sometimes be brutal but I live my life according to how I expect to be treated. The truth is tricky. Just because it may not be what you want to hear, does not mean you have to concede and agree. Even when someone else offers the 'truth' or their version of it, does not mean that you have to accept that as your own 'truth'. For instance, I am a very sensitive person - emotional if you will - and things affect me differently than say my father, my sister or many of my friends. They are a little more thick-skinned. I lack most ability to feel physical pain so I may just make up for it with my emotions. I hate when people tell me that I do not have to be so 'dramatic'. It is not that I am being 'dramatic' but releasing exactly what I am feeling. If I do not let out my feelings right then I am sometimes afraid that it will slide down to the back only to come out later to the tenth degree and you will see me on "America's Most Wanted". Just remember that your methods may not be suitable for everyone else.
Back to the being told what to do thing ... I think I work best as my own boss. Granted I know my position on the totem pole and I respect it, I still think that I work better when I can do things in my own time and on my own accord. I am more likely to get something done when I don't have people barking in my ear about deadlines and can knock things out on my own. Funny what gets me motivated.
In school I was a notorious procrastinator. My parents were constantly hassling me about homework and / or projects. I would always fib about due dates and procedures. I would literally wait until 8 o'clock PM the night before an assignment was due to start it. I may be up until 1 AM and sometimes even into first period the next morning at school finishing it, but it always got done and was some of my best work. I also am not one of those people that does a little at a time. If I feel like I need to do something I do it all right then. Rarely will I have a 'continuous' project. Writing is different. I am working on a book as well as a business plan for my restaurant and am doing a little at a time, but that kind of thing means much more than say a project for work. They are far more personal, therefore I take my time with them because I want the best of the best. I expect nothing but the best from myself and I always manage to produce great results.
We must always pay closest attention to ourselves because our work is what gets us through life.
I have always learned best on my own, with help only when I ask for it. I hate having people looking over my shoulder and criticizing my way of doing things. I am a highly organized person and have a method for pretty much everything I do - no matter how out of order it may seem. I live in organized chaos. Meaning: that my life is very chaotic but I still manage to be organized and know exactly what I need to - and then some. I think I work better under pressure and thrive off of a little chaos. When I am bored, I am un-motivated. I love a challenge, but in the working world a challenge does not mean throw everything at me to see how much I can handle before I break under pressure. You have to be realistic and I am smart enough to know that while I do handle myself well under pressure, I do have a breaking point. I have actually reached that breaking point on several occasions and it has taken all of my strength and that of others not to lash out.
I am a laid back kinda girl and let a lot roll off my shoulders, but when enough is enough I will certainly let you know. I am not afraid of hurting feelings and my honesty can sometimes be brutal but I live my life according to how I expect to be treated. The truth is tricky. Just because it may not be what you want to hear, does not mean you have to concede and agree. Even when someone else offers the 'truth' or their version of it, does not mean that you have to accept that as your own 'truth'. For instance, I am a very sensitive person - emotional if you will - and things affect me differently than say my father, my sister or many of my friends. They are a little more thick-skinned. I lack most ability to feel physical pain so I may just make up for it with my emotions. I hate when people tell me that I do not have to be so 'dramatic'. It is not that I am being 'dramatic' but releasing exactly what I am feeling. If I do not let out my feelings right then I am sometimes afraid that it will slide down to the back only to come out later to the tenth degree and you will see me on "America's Most Wanted". Just remember that your methods may not be suitable for everyone else.
Back to the being told what to do thing ... I think I work best as my own boss. Granted I know my position on the totem pole and I respect it, I still think that I work better when I can do things in my own time and on my own accord. I am more likely to get something done when I don't have people barking in my ear about deadlines and can knock things out on my own. Funny what gets me motivated.
In school I was a notorious procrastinator. My parents were constantly hassling me about homework and / or projects. I would always fib about due dates and procedures. I would literally wait until 8 o'clock PM the night before an assignment was due to start it. I may be up until 1 AM and sometimes even into first period the next morning at school finishing it, but it always got done and was some of my best work. I also am not one of those people that does a little at a time. If I feel like I need to do something I do it all right then. Rarely will I have a 'continuous' project. Writing is different. I am working on a book as well as a business plan for my restaurant and am doing a little at a time, but that kind of thing means much more than say a project for work. They are far more personal, therefore I take my time with them because I want the best of the best. I expect nothing but the best from myself and I always manage to produce great results.
We must always pay closest attention to ourselves because our work is what gets us through life.
One Sweet Day ...
Q: If you could plan your idea of a perfect day, what would it entail?
Ok, I'll be giving four answers to coordinate with the four seasons (that do not exist in Florida - but this is my perfect world, right?).
1. Winter.
Wake up to a complete white-out. (Location: Breckenridge, CO) Eat a hearty breakfast (prepared by moi or some really hot ski patrol I picked up the day before). Suit up and walk right out my back door to hit the slopes for a few hours of riding. Come in for lunch which would consist of some of my infamous Potato & Corn Chowder or Vegetarian Chili and some hot tea - maybe a quick glass of scotch to warm me up. Back out to the slopes for some horseplay and frolicking in the snow. Make my way down to the lodge for a little conversation with the locals and other guests then back to my cabin for a hot bath and glass of wine. Dinner comes next. One of two options. A) If I am there with a special someone then it would be a candlelit dinner with a fancy menu - again, prepared by me - some wine and a lot of flirty conversation. After dinner we would fall asleep on a big fur rug wrapped in a big fur blanket in front of the wood-burning fire. B) If I am there with friends then it would be a dinner at the big wooden table covered with home-cooked food and lots of empty bottles of wine and beer. After dinner, we'd head out to the local pub for a little karaoke then back to the cabin to retire until the next day, only to do it all over again.
2. Spring.
Wake up to the sounds of nature, mostly the crashing of waves. (Location: Santa Teresa, Costa Rica) Go down to the Yoga hut where the Yogi conducts an intense session of streching and sweating. After yoga, it is down the path surrounded by tropical plants, various creatures and taunting monkeys to have breakfast down by the beach. The buffet table is donned with fresh fruit, eggs, black beans and fresh squeezed juice along with all the other odds and ins. After breakfast we head out to the beach with our boards for a little riding, coming in often to just gaze out at the endless ocean and bronze our skin. For lunch we head into town for some local cuisine. Air conditioners, TVs and radios are nowhere in sight and all the tables are outside. After lunch we mosy around the village for handcrafted souvenirs and barter our way from hut to hut. At this point the afternoon is disappearing and we head back to our 'house' to dress for a sunset dinner down on the beach. Over a glass of wine or a National cocktail (minus ice) we watch the sun set and await the placement of our dinner plates. After dinner we take a walk down the beach and see wild horses gallavanting past us. We make our way back to the 'house' and fall asleep under the dreamcatchers hanging above until the next morning, only to do it all over again.
3. Summer.
Wake up and walk outside to watch the fog clear from the lake with a cup of hot tea. (Location: Big Bear Lake; Big Bear, CA) Whip up some pancakes with fresh berries and vanilla mousseline and a glass of OJ for breakfast. After breakfast, a group of 8 - 21 friends would take the boats out on the lake for some tubing, boarding and floating around in the sun. For lunch we'd cruise back into shore for some salads or something lite to feed the hunger but not weigh us down. After lunch, it's back to the lake we go for more sun n fun, this time we break out the video camera to capture the jumps and busts. As the sun starts to arch, we head in. After everyone has showered we order pizza and park it out back for a bonfire to watch the sun set down behind the mountains. We stay up spilling stories and making new ones over cold beers and cheap wine, bundled up on our lawn chairs and blankets in our flannels and footsies. We head in and crowd in the den for a scary or action-packed movie then retire to our rooms until the next day, only to do it all over again.
4. Fall.
Wake up to the brisk air of the city. (Location: Washington D.C. or New York City, NY) Walk over to the window and look out over the city. Sit down at the table next to the window in my robe and drink my tea while perusing the local paper and await my breakfast provided by the 5 star room service. My breakfast would consist of croissants, fresh fruit and mimosas. After breakfast my friends and I would hit the pavement of the city for some shopping and sites. I would buy a new outfit from some local designer boutique and get some new items from a few of the local vintage boutiques. For lunch we would stop off at some cafe, sitting at a table on the sidewalk and chit chat and gush over all the fabulous things we have done and will be doing. We each have a cocktail and indulge in a sweet treat. After lunch we hit the galleries and museums or iconic sites that are a must anytime you are visiting the city. As the sun begins to set we head back to get ready for a night of carefree fun. We hit a 5-star restaurant for dinner and let random guys buy all of our drinks. We cab it to some local hot spot and dance until the wee hours of the morning. When we all give each other that look of "I can't shake one more hip or I'll fall over" we head back in to fall asleep with new memories that (hopefully) we will remember the next day.
Perfection is not realistic, but dreaming is.
Ok, I'll be giving four answers to coordinate with the four seasons (that do not exist in Florida - but this is my perfect world, right?).
1. Winter.
Wake up to a complete white-out. (Location: Breckenridge, CO) Eat a hearty breakfast (prepared by moi or some really hot ski patrol I picked up the day before). Suit up and walk right out my back door to hit the slopes for a few hours of riding. Come in for lunch which would consist of some of my infamous Potato & Corn Chowder or Vegetarian Chili and some hot tea - maybe a quick glass of scotch to warm me up. Back out to the slopes for some horseplay and frolicking in the snow. Make my way down to the lodge for a little conversation with the locals and other guests then back to my cabin for a hot bath and glass of wine. Dinner comes next. One of two options. A) If I am there with a special someone then it would be a candlelit dinner with a fancy menu - again, prepared by me - some wine and a lot of flirty conversation. After dinner we would fall asleep on a big fur rug wrapped in a big fur blanket in front of the wood-burning fire. B) If I am there with friends then it would be a dinner at the big wooden table covered with home-cooked food and lots of empty bottles of wine and beer. After dinner, we'd head out to the local pub for a little karaoke then back to the cabin to retire until the next day, only to do it all over again.
2. Spring.
Wake up to the sounds of nature, mostly the crashing of waves. (Location: Santa Teresa, Costa Rica) Go down to the Yoga hut where the Yogi conducts an intense session of streching and sweating. After yoga, it is down the path surrounded by tropical plants, various creatures and taunting monkeys to have breakfast down by the beach. The buffet table is donned with fresh fruit, eggs, black beans and fresh squeezed juice along with all the other odds and ins. After breakfast we head out to the beach with our boards for a little riding, coming in often to just gaze out at the endless ocean and bronze our skin. For lunch we head into town for some local cuisine. Air conditioners, TVs and radios are nowhere in sight and all the tables are outside. After lunch we mosy around the village for handcrafted souvenirs and barter our way from hut to hut. At this point the afternoon is disappearing and we head back to our 'house' to dress for a sunset dinner down on the beach. Over a glass of wine or a National cocktail (minus ice) we watch the sun set and await the placement of our dinner plates. After dinner we take a walk down the beach and see wild horses gallavanting past us. We make our way back to the 'house' and fall asleep under the dreamcatchers hanging above until the next morning, only to do it all over again.
3. Summer.
Wake up and walk outside to watch the fog clear from the lake with a cup of hot tea. (Location: Big Bear Lake; Big Bear, CA) Whip up some pancakes with fresh berries and vanilla mousseline and a glass of OJ for breakfast. After breakfast, a group of 8 - 21 friends would take the boats out on the lake for some tubing, boarding and floating around in the sun. For lunch we'd cruise back into shore for some salads or something lite to feed the hunger but not weigh us down. After lunch, it's back to the lake we go for more sun n fun, this time we break out the video camera to capture the jumps and busts. As the sun starts to arch, we head in. After everyone has showered we order pizza and park it out back for a bonfire to watch the sun set down behind the mountains. We stay up spilling stories and making new ones over cold beers and cheap wine, bundled up on our lawn chairs and blankets in our flannels and footsies. We head in and crowd in the den for a scary or action-packed movie then retire to our rooms until the next day, only to do it all over again.
4. Fall.
Wake up to the brisk air of the city. (Location: Washington D.C. or New York City, NY) Walk over to the window and look out over the city. Sit down at the table next to the window in my robe and drink my tea while perusing the local paper and await my breakfast provided by the 5 star room service. My breakfast would consist of croissants, fresh fruit and mimosas. After breakfast my friends and I would hit the pavement of the city for some shopping and sites. I would buy a new outfit from some local designer boutique and get some new items from a few of the local vintage boutiques. For lunch we would stop off at some cafe, sitting at a table on the sidewalk and chit chat and gush over all the fabulous things we have done and will be doing. We each have a cocktail and indulge in a sweet treat. After lunch we hit the galleries and museums or iconic sites that are a must anytime you are visiting the city. As the sun begins to set we head back to get ready for a night of carefree fun. We hit a 5-star restaurant for dinner and let random guys buy all of our drinks. We cab it to some local hot spot and dance until the wee hours of the morning. When we all give each other that look of "I can't shake one more hip or I'll fall over" we head back in to fall asleep with new memories that (hopefully) we will remember the next day.
Perfection is not realistic, but dreaming is.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Guys & Cars: They go hand - in - hand ...
How do you feel about the word "eternity"? Or how about "forever"? They both terrify me. Not just in terms of relationships but for anything. I mean, just think about it - that is a very long time. But if we want to get into what those words mean in a relationship then I suppose I can fight the nausea and confront the issue head on.
Here is my issue. Those words literally mean until death and possibly even after. To think about being with one person for all time is a little scary. Now, I don't mean to knock the idea for those who are on the bandwagon because I have been there and taken a ride myself, and may decide to hop back on one day, but for now I am quite content. In my opinion, partners are much like cars - its good to trade them in every few years. Yes that may sound a bit harsh, but its the truth isn't it? The best part of any relationship is usually the beginning - the 'getting to know each other' phase. It's fun. It's carefree. It's educational. After the warranty wears off, you're left with expensive mechanic bills and faulty parts whereas after the spark fizzles you're left with annoyance and boredom. At least I have been.
On the other hand, I am no 'player' or hootchie mama. I am a one-partner woman at any given time - if there is a committment at hand. I am at a place in my life where, for the first time, I am free to mingle as I please. I'm not out knockin' boots with random people but I don't have just one to call my own either. I am in a place I like to call "T Time". I am totally just living for myself. I have no one to please but myself and I rely on no one but myself. It has truly been a very fulfilling and rewarding place too. I've never felt so free and honest.
A year or two ago you could have totally pegged me for that girl that had to have a guy to feel complete. I have felt that "I want to spend 'forever' with this person" feeling on several occasions which is why I think it is perfectly fine to be where I am today. Having said that, I would love to believe there is someone out there that can make me squash my disbelief in that 'eternal love' thing. I mean, there are many people that I will love until I meet my grave, but I have yet to meet that person that will walk the path to that grave alongside me. So, until I do (if I ever do) I am perfectly happy being single.
Coming from a broken home, abusive relationships and plenty of failed ones my ego is battered and bruised. I doubted myself for a very long time and only in the past year or so have I realized that who I am is simply that: who I am. I always sized myself up to who I was with. I compromised my true self to be that of a girl that was 'perfect' for the person I was with at that time. In the process I lost myself. I have come a very long way to finding that girl again and have accepted that I am ever-changing. I don't look for things to happen, I just let them and find that the outcome is far more pleasing. So, if I do find a mate that wants to break me of my skepticism they will need to accept me for exactly as I am. In the past year I have had a single boyfriend and the demise of that relationship was because he couldn't accept that I was strong on my own two feet. Sad to say, but oh so true.
I also find myself longing to be a mother more than a wife. I mean, if I were to get married my outlook on marriage is much different than say 2 or 3 years ago. If I get married - what is the worst that can happen? I get divorced. I say it nonchalantly, I know, but it is the truth. Things aren't always meant to work out. Of course I would fight to make it work, but if it is truly not meant to be then the fighting is useless. I have a natural ability to care for children. I love the thought of having a miniature version of myself and being a parent, doing all the things my parents did after swearing I never would. But honestly, how many men are willing to help you create a life and still want to be a part? Not too many. I mean, not that I am looking, but even at my age now its funny to watch the guys squirm at the very mention of the possibility their seed fertilizing an egg. Not mine, but any. Trust me, I'm not giving anyone any opportunity, but it is an idea I have quite often. Who knows, in the process of making babies I could find my next Cadillac - I mean partner! :)
Here is my issue. Those words literally mean until death and possibly even after. To think about being with one person for all time is a little scary. Now, I don't mean to knock the idea for those who are on the bandwagon because I have been there and taken a ride myself, and may decide to hop back on one day, but for now I am quite content. In my opinion, partners are much like cars - its good to trade them in every few years. Yes that may sound a bit harsh, but its the truth isn't it? The best part of any relationship is usually the beginning - the 'getting to know each other' phase. It's fun. It's carefree. It's educational. After the warranty wears off, you're left with expensive mechanic bills and faulty parts whereas after the spark fizzles you're left with annoyance and boredom. At least I have been.
On the other hand, I am no 'player' or hootchie mama. I am a one-partner woman at any given time - if there is a committment at hand. I am at a place in my life where, for the first time, I am free to mingle as I please. I'm not out knockin' boots with random people but I don't have just one to call my own either. I am in a place I like to call "T Time". I am totally just living for myself. I have no one to please but myself and I rely on no one but myself. It has truly been a very fulfilling and rewarding place too. I've never felt so free and honest.
A year or two ago you could have totally pegged me for that girl that had to have a guy to feel complete. I have felt that "I want to spend 'forever' with this person" feeling on several occasions which is why I think it is perfectly fine to be where I am today. Having said that, I would love to believe there is someone out there that can make me squash my disbelief in that 'eternal love' thing. I mean, there are many people that I will love until I meet my grave, but I have yet to meet that person that will walk the path to that grave alongside me. So, until I do (if I ever do) I am perfectly happy being single.
Coming from a broken home, abusive relationships and plenty of failed ones my ego is battered and bruised. I doubted myself for a very long time and only in the past year or so have I realized that who I am is simply that: who I am. I always sized myself up to who I was with. I compromised my true self to be that of a girl that was 'perfect' for the person I was with at that time. In the process I lost myself. I have come a very long way to finding that girl again and have accepted that I am ever-changing. I don't look for things to happen, I just let them and find that the outcome is far more pleasing. So, if I do find a mate that wants to break me of my skepticism they will need to accept me for exactly as I am. In the past year I have had a single boyfriend and the demise of that relationship was because he couldn't accept that I was strong on my own two feet. Sad to say, but oh so true.
I also find myself longing to be a mother more than a wife. I mean, if I were to get married my outlook on marriage is much different than say 2 or 3 years ago. If I get married - what is the worst that can happen? I get divorced. I say it nonchalantly, I know, but it is the truth. Things aren't always meant to work out. Of course I would fight to make it work, but if it is truly not meant to be then the fighting is useless. I have a natural ability to care for children. I love the thought of having a miniature version of myself and being a parent, doing all the things my parents did after swearing I never would. But honestly, how many men are willing to help you create a life and still want to be a part? Not too many. I mean, not that I am looking, but even at my age now its funny to watch the guys squirm at the very mention of the possibility their seed fertilizing an egg. Not mine, but any. Trust me, I'm not giving anyone any opportunity, but it is an idea I have quite often. Who knows, in the process of making babies I could find my next Cadillac - I mean partner! :)
Friday, February 20, 2009
What's In A Name ...
I love how when I google my name all the results are for Tiffany Fallon, the Playboy Playmate. This could easily create quite a complex. Especially since she is a buxom beauty that does a lot for charity - not to mention she is gorgeous. Or maybe it is my destiny to become a Playmate - Yeah ... not likely. Then when I google "Tiffany needs" you know what the first result is? "Tiffany needs bigger breasts". My gosh, yet another future complex. Only joking - about the complex not the google results. That is indeed true. I've given up on the breast augmentation for now. I would still love to go in and have a nice set of C's put on the rack, but I can wait. I definitely do not want a man to buy them either - that would mean, in a sense, he would own me - or at least my assets.
I'm a rather curious person and when something perks my interest I dive right into the research. I learned the meaning of my name when I was very young. My Grandmother gave me a book of famous quotations and my name and meaning were engraved on the front cover. I kind of forgot about it until I came across the little card that used to rest inside of it. Now I am an endless machine of knowledge of all things "Tiffany". Since everyone should be just as interested, I am laying down the facts for you all as well! Enjoy.
1200 AD - "Tifinie" is used in Old French to mean "Epiphany." It derived from a similar Late Latin word which in turn came from the Greek "theophaneia," meaning an appearance or manifestation of God. ("Theo" = God, "phaneia" = appearance; the "phan..." element is related to such words as "phantom," "fantasy," and "fancy," but not to the "fan" in "fan club" or "fanzine," which is short for "fanatic," and is from a completely different etymological source.) A later French spelling is "tiphanie."
1600 - "Tiffany" has been borrowed into English, and has taken on its modern spelling. It is used occasionally as a synonym for "Epiphany," and also as a name for a kind of light silk or gauze.
1633 - William Austin writes the following in his Devotionis Augustinae flamma, or certaine meditations, published posthumously in 1635, and cited in the Oxford English Dictionary in its definition of "Tiffany": "This is Twelfe day... But more anciently and most properly it was called the Epiphany... Our great grand Fathers... as the legend sayes called it the Tiffany... we must know it signifies Aparition or Manifestation from above."
1600s -- The first Tiffany in America was Humphrey Tiffany, who was killed by lightning near Attleboro, Massachusetts riding with Miss Loh:
"Squire Tiffany and Mistress Loh By a stroke of lightning into eternity did go"
Also among the Tiffanys is the inventor of the bazooka. (Source: Bruce Tiffany)
Feb. 15, 1812 - Birth of Charles Lewis Tiffany, the jeweler who would found the famous Tiffany & Co. in New York City, known for its elegance.
1837 - Founding of Tiffany & Co. (It would celebrate its 150th anniversary in 1987, the same year as singer Tiffany's mall tour.)
Jan. 17, 1848 - Birth of Louis Comfort Tiffany, son of jeweler Charles Lewis Tiffany. Louis would become a famous artist, creating Tiffany lamps and Tiffany glass.
Feb. 18, 1902 - Death of Charles Lewis Tiffany.
Feb. 18, 1933 - Death of Louis Comfort Tiffany.
1958 - Breakfast at Tiffany's, by Truman Capote (1924-1984), is published. As a result of this title, tourists in New York are always asking the staff of the jeweler Tiffany's when they serve breakfast, but they actually do not serve any meals there. The title is merely metaphorical.
1961 - Breakfast at Tiffany's is made into a movie, starring Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Patricia Neal, Buddy Ebesen, and Mickey Rooney.
Nov. 11, 1964 - Debut of comic strip Tiffany Jones.
August, 1965 - British singer Tiffany, former vocalist of the Liverbirds and the Dimensions, releases her first single, "Am I Dreaming." Her career fizzles out within a year, though.
Oct. 1971 - Birth of present-day pop star Tiffany.
1973 - The comic strip "Tiffany Jones" is made into a movie.
1974 - The typeface "Tiffany" is designed by Ed Benguiat by blending earlier typefaces "Ronaldson" and "Caxton."
Mid 1970s - In one of the "Benji" movies, the title canine's "girlfriend" is a poodle named Tiffany.
1977 - The Eagles' hit "Hotel California" includes the lyric, "Her mind is Tiffany-twisted..."
Jan. 27, 1979 - A Dutch band named "Tiffany" records their first song, "Late Night Show," which reaches #24 in the charts in the Netherlands. Their other singles were "Presidential Suite" and "Spoonful of Loving," all recorded in 1979 and 1980.
Sept. 12, 1979 - The character Tiffany Welles, played by Shelley Hack, debuts on Charlie's Angels. She lasts only one season, before being replaced by Tanya Roberts, as Julie, for the show's last year.
1984 - A survey of the most popular names for female babies lists "Tiffany" as #1 for non-whites, and #32 for whites.
1984 - Cajun artist George Rodrigue begins painting his deceased dog Tiffany (1970-1980), and these images become famous as the "Blue Dog", appearing in many of his paintings and related merchandise.
Mar. 25, 1990 - Dave Barry's syndicated humor column uses Tiffany as the name of a life-size, bikini-wearing inflatable doll who was engaged to a friend of his until he found a fiancee who was a real human being. "But you had to feel bad for Tiffany," said Barry, "who quickly went from the role of Beautiful Bride-To-Be to the role of Deflated Wad In A Closet, which is a tragic waste when you consider that she is more than qualified to be vice president."
Dec., 1995 - Deep Blue Something has a hit song entitled "Breakfast At Tiffany's".
2007 - Tiffany Fallon is named as Playboy's Playmate of the Year
The meaning of the name Tiffany is as follows: Appearance of a God
The origin of the name Tiffany is believed to be: Greek
Numerology is an ancient science which was developed by Pythagoras. Numerology offers an insight into the personality by assigning numeric values to the letters contained in names. The results provide the hidden meaning of the name Tiffany. Each letter contained in the name is assigned a number. Every number is associated with specific characteristics. Work out the value of each of the letters in your name using the following table:
1: A J S
2: B K T
3: C L U
4: D M V
5: E N W
6: F O X
7: G P Y
8: H Q Z
9: I R
Add together all the numbers of the name Tiffany (2+9+6+6+1+5+7) = 36 and Johnson (1+6+8+5+1+6+5) = 32. Then add together the values 36+32 = 68 Then add together 6+8 = 14. And 1+4= 5. The numerological value, or Name Number, of the example name is therefore 5. Use this method of numerology to calculate the value of your full name and find the hidden meanings and characteristics of the name Tiffany together with any middle names and your last name.
Interpretation Meaning and Characteristics using Numerology and the Name NumberUsing this form of Numerology check out the meaning and characteristics of your special number:
1. Competitive - A leader, independent, strength, creative and original
2. Diplomatic - Friendly, tactful, peaceful, gentle and sensitive
3. Optimistic - Easygoing, sociable, spontaneous and humorous
4. Traditionalist - Determined, reliable, conservative, activist and organized
5. Creative - Free spirited, artistic, enquiring, innovative and influential
6. Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable
7. Inventive - Imaginative, resourceful, eccentric, quiet and thoughtful
8. Organizer - Leadership skills, planner, strong, high achiever and sound judgment
9. Humanitarian - Compassionate, caring, charitable and civilized
And that my friends is your lesson for the day.
P L & H
I'm a rather curious person and when something perks my interest I dive right into the research. I learned the meaning of my name when I was very young. My Grandmother gave me a book of famous quotations and my name and meaning were engraved on the front cover. I kind of forgot about it until I came across the little card that used to rest inside of it. Now I am an endless machine of knowledge of all things "Tiffany". Since everyone should be just as interested, I am laying down the facts for you all as well! Enjoy.
1200 AD - "Tifinie" is used in Old French to mean "Epiphany." It derived from a similar Late Latin word which in turn came from the Greek "theophaneia," meaning an appearance or manifestation of God. ("Theo" = God, "phaneia" = appearance; the "phan..." element is related to such words as "phantom," "fantasy," and "fancy," but not to the "fan" in "fan club" or "fanzine," which is short for "fanatic," and is from a completely different etymological source.) A later French spelling is "tiphanie."
1600 - "Tiffany" has been borrowed into English, and has taken on its modern spelling. It is used occasionally as a synonym for "Epiphany," and also as a name for a kind of light silk or gauze.
1633 - William Austin writes the following in his Devotionis Augustinae flamma, or certaine meditations, published posthumously in 1635, and cited in the Oxford English Dictionary in its definition of "Tiffany": "This is Twelfe day... But more anciently and most properly it was called the Epiphany... Our great grand Fathers... as the legend sayes called it the Tiffany... we must know it signifies Aparition or Manifestation from above."
1600s -- The first Tiffany in America was Humphrey Tiffany, who was killed by lightning near Attleboro, Massachusetts riding with Miss Loh:
"Squire Tiffany and Mistress Loh By a stroke of lightning into eternity did go"
Also among the Tiffanys is the inventor of the bazooka. (Source: Bruce Tiffany)
Feb. 15, 1812 - Birth of Charles Lewis Tiffany, the jeweler who would found the famous Tiffany & Co. in New York City, known for its elegance.
1837 - Founding of Tiffany & Co. (It would celebrate its 150th anniversary in 1987, the same year as singer Tiffany's mall tour.)
Jan. 17, 1848 - Birth of Louis Comfort Tiffany, son of jeweler Charles Lewis Tiffany. Louis would become a famous artist, creating Tiffany lamps and Tiffany glass.
Feb. 18, 1902 - Death of Charles Lewis Tiffany.
Feb. 18, 1933 - Death of Louis Comfort Tiffany.
1958 - Breakfast at Tiffany's, by Truman Capote (1924-1984), is published. As a result of this title, tourists in New York are always asking the staff of the jeweler Tiffany's when they serve breakfast, but they actually do not serve any meals there. The title is merely metaphorical.
1961 - Breakfast at Tiffany's is made into a movie, starring Audrey Hepburn, George Peppard, Patricia Neal, Buddy Ebesen, and Mickey Rooney.
Nov. 11, 1964 - Debut of comic strip Tiffany Jones.
August, 1965 - British singer Tiffany, former vocalist of the Liverbirds and the Dimensions, releases her first single, "Am I Dreaming." Her career fizzles out within a year, though.
Oct. 1971 - Birth of present-day pop star Tiffany.
1973 - The comic strip "Tiffany Jones" is made into a movie.
1974 - The typeface "Tiffany" is designed by Ed Benguiat by blending earlier typefaces "Ronaldson" and "Caxton."
Mid 1970s - In one of the "Benji" movies, the title canine's "girlfriend" is a poodle named Tiffany.
1977 - The Eagles' hit "Hotel California" includes the lyric, "Her mind is Tiffany-twisted..."
Jan. 27, 1979 - A Dutch band named "Tiffany" records their first song, "Late Night Show," which reaches #24 in the charts in the Netherlands. Their other singles were "Presidential Suite" and "Spoonful of Loving," all recorded in 1979 and 1980.
Sept. 12, 1979 - The character Tiffany Welles, played by Shelley Hack, debuts on Charlie's Angels. She lasts only one season, before being replaced by Tanya Roberts, as Julie, for the show's last year.
1984 - A survey of the most popular names for female babies lists "Tiffany" as #1 for non-whites, and #32 for whites.
1984 - Cajun artist George Rodrigue begins painting his deceased dog Tiffany (1970-1980), and these images become famous as the "Blue Dog", appearing in many of his paintings and related merchandise.
Mar. 25, 1990 - Dave Barry's syndicated humor column uses Tiffany as the name of a life-size, bikini-wearing inflatable doll who was engaged to a friend of his until he found a fiancee who was a real human being. "But you had to feel bad for Tiffany," said Barry, "who quickly went from the role of Beautiful Bride-To-Be to the role of Deflated Wad In A Closet, which is a tragic waste when you consider that she is more than qualified to be vice president."
Dec., 1995 - Deep Blue Something has a hit song entitled "Breakfast At Tiffany's".
2007 - Tiffany Fallon is named as Playboy's Playmate of the Year
The meaning of the name Tiffany is as follows: Appearance of a God
The origin of the name Tiffany is believed to be: Greek
Numerology is an ancient science which was developed by Pythagoras. Numerology offers an insight into the personality by assigning numeric values to the letters contained in names. The results provide the hidden meaning of the name Tiffany. Each letter contained in the name is assigned a number. Every number is associated with specific characteristics. Work out the value of each of the letters in your name using the following table:
1: A J S
2: B K T
3: C L U
4: D M V
5: E N W
6: F O X
7: G P Y
8: H Q Z
9: I R
Add together all the numbers of the name Tiffany (2+9+6+6+1+5+7) = 36 and Johnson (1+6+8+5+1+6+5) = 32. Then add together the values 36+32 = 68 Then add together 6+8 = 14. And 1+4= 5. The numerological value, or Name Number, of the example name is therefore 5. Use this method of numerology to calculate the value of your full name and find the hidden meanings and characteristics of the name Tiffany together with any middle names and your last name.
Interpretation Meaning and Characteristics using Numerology and the Name NumberUsing this form of Numerology check out the meaning and characteristics of your special number:
1. Competitive - A leader, independent, strength, creative and original
2. Diplomatic - Friendly, tactful, peaceful, gentle and sensitive
3. Optimistic - Easygoing, sociable, spontaneous and humorous
4. Traditionalist - Determined, reliable, conservative, activist and organized
5. Creative - Free spirited, artistic, enquiring, innovative and influential
6. Contributor - Responsible, careful, conventional and reliable
7. Inventive - Imaginative, resourceful, eccentric, quiet and thoughtful
8. Organizer - Leadership skills, planner, strong, high achiever and sound judgment
9. Humanitarian - Compassionate, caring, charitable and civilized
And that my friends is your lesson for the day.
P L & H
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Rando Numero Uno ...
Pick a 'first' and elaborate.
My first time eating Thai food. Since I am on a "Linda trip" right now the first experience had to be with her.
First let me give a little background on this undiscovered talent. I met her doing a fashion show for a friend. The other models were the typical "I love myself" chicks so I was immediately drawn to the sultry Nicaraguan with lightning bolts coming out of her shirt. We chatted a bit and I still remember the faux-hawk she had for the show. I was so jealous because it was nothing short of amazing. She drove me home after the show and a few weeks later we hung out for the first time. We hiked Runyon, but that is not the first that sticks out most. Thai food. Mmmm.
I lived on Hollywood Blvd. and there was a Thai place literally about 50 steps from the front entrance of my building. It was open until 4AM every night and I would have never thought to try it had it not been for Linda. Now, Thai food is one of my absolute favorites! You could bring your own bottle of wine (and boy did we) and we would just sit for hours chit chatting about anything and everything. I can still taste the Pad Thai.
My first time eating Thai food. Since I am on a "Linda trip" right now the first experience had to be with her.
First let me give a little background on this undiscovered talent. I met her doing a fashion show for a friend. The other models were the typical "I love myself" chicks so I was immediately drawn to the sultry Nicaraguan with lightning bolts coming out of her shirt. We chatted a bit and I still remember the faux-hawk she had for the show. I was so jealous because it was nothing short of amazing. She drove me home after the show and a few weeks later we hung out for the first time. We hiked Runyon, but that is not the first that sticks out most. Thai food. Mmmm.
I lived on Hollywood Blvd. and there was a Thai place literally about 50 steps from the front entrance of my building. It was open until 4AM every night and I would have never thought to try it had it not been for Linda. Now, Thai food is one of my absolute favorites! You could bring your own bottle of wine (and boy did we) and we would just sit for hours chit chatting about anything and everything. I can still taste the Pad Thai.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Bucket Schmucket ...
Creating a Bucket List seems so morbid, but I hear its all the new rage lately. Below is my attempt at making my list and checking it twice ...
1. DO IT ALL ! ! !
I know. I am no fun, but I cannot just sit down and make a specific list of all the things I want to do and / or accomplish before my death. It creeps me out. I live my life day to day and never really have a definite plan for anything. Of course there are the long-term goals I want to accomplish (like my restaurant) but I am in no position to settle anytime soon in order to make that happen.
There are so many things I want to do, want to try. I have already done a lot of things and been a lot of places, but this Earth is such a big place that the possibilities are endless. Whereas there are a lot of things I want to do on my own, there are plenty that I want to do with other people. I suppose I am just waiting to find other people willing and able to do them also.
Travel. I want to travel the World. If I could get paid to go from country to country, continent to continent I would do it in a heartbeat. I know you're thinking "Anyone would" which may be true, but I crave it. I'm hungry like the wolf. I had a summer backpacking trip planned with my dear friend Linda this summer, but it had to be post-poned due to other circumstances. We were set to do a complete tour of Europe, making the full circle. Everywhere from Ireland to Belgium to Germany to Budapest to Spain and every place in between. Seeing life and seeing culture gets my blood flowing. You know how there are those certain friends that you only do certain things with? Well, I don't think I could experience Europe like I want to with anyone else but Linda (unless my soulmate is still out there and thinks they can change my mind). We experience things through the eyes of an artist. We appreciate the minute details that most do not take the time to even see. She is, in many ways, my female counterpart and I love her for that. Now I can't even explain how anxious I am for summer 2010!
I want to see through the eyes of the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor. I want to scale the mountains of Tibet and live a week with the orphans of Kenya. I want to whale watch in the waters of Canada and walk topless (maybe - the verdict is still out) on the beaches of Fiji. I want to sip coffee on the streets of Paris and click steins with the bar patrons of Germany. I want to trek through the rainforests of Brazil and barter the markets of Marrakesh. There are few places I would not go. I would go back to Costa Rica in a heartbeat. The vibe of the locals and the peacefulness in the air is enough to take me back in a mental dream. I truly love being an American and all the freedoms I am allowed every day, but to escape the walls of 'normalcy' and routine thrills me. You never really experience life until you have done so in a World so unlike your own. If the Peace Corps was anything like it was many years ago, I would have joined the day after graduation. I get excited when I visit my mother in North Carolina. I think it is just the idea of escaping where you are from. Moving to California was one of the best decisions of my life. It taught me so much. I met so many incredible people. I loved. I lost. I lived.
Accomplishments. As I mentioned before I want to open my very own restaurant. I know it seems a familiar dream, but it is indeed my dream. I want to create a place, a sanctuary for food and entertainment for all walks of life and all types of people. I want to combine tastes of my childhood with those of my adult life. I want to learn. I want to teach and most importantly I want to share. I may not be good at a lot of things, most I am mediocre at best, but cooking ... well, cooking I have a real knack for. I watched my Mother and Grandmothers at a very young age and incorporated all of their styles into mine and have created some of the most incredible dishes you will ever taste. My Father was the baker in the house. We always had sweets, although you could never tell since my sister and I were so skinny. One of the key reasons I quit smoking was to keep my tastebuds and their ability to taste intact. Cooking, like kissing, can say so much about someone without even having to say a word. My recipes range from sweet to spicy, much like my personality and it also varies depending on my mood. Though I have never had any formal training, I feel as though I can live without. My technique stems from both success and failure that I have reached on my own, from my very own trial and error. I like to make my own mistakes for the very reason of learning from them.
Personally, I am a vegetarian. I have been so for two years. Coming from my conservative country-fried, Southern upbringing you may not have guessed, but I am indeed an herbivore. Many people wonder how I do it, but to me it is just a way of life. My reasoning may be different than most, but the end result is the same. I am healthier and happier. It is a personal choice and I never force my ideas upon others which is why I never stopped cooking carnivorous dishes. They are still some of my very best and they better be because I am the only one in my entire family that opposes eating anything with a warm temp and two beady eyes.
For Fun. Just for fun I would love to follow some big rock band or singer's tour across the World and be a groupie. I would love to go to every football game, golf tournament or baseball game for one team. I'd love to ride every roller coaster I come across. I'd love to bungee jump again or skydive or parasail. I'd love to snowboard every weekend during season or wakeboard every day the temp is above 75. I'd love to start dance lessons or take art classes. Start a charity in my Grandmother's name. Become an artist. Walk another show during all the big fashion weeks. I'd love to move every couple of years and pick the next destination by just blindly pointing on a map. I'd love to walk the red carpet of the Grammy Awards or schmooze with the likes of Jerry Bruckheimer and the Coen Brothers. I want to hold a political office for at least one term. As I said, the possibilities are endless. My main goal in life is simply to experience. Instead of living the same day over and over again I want to change it. I want to do everything differently from the previous day. I want to get married in a big fancy church with every detail planned by me. I want to find the love of my life. I want to have children (or child). I want my dream house which would consist of an old farmhouse an hour out of some big city. I want a dog rescue shelter on the 200 acres of land I will own. I want horses and ducks. I want to write a book and go on a 50-state book tour. I want whatever the World has to offer and never turn down a new experience.
For so long I lived a dormant life. A life according to every else. Now it is about me and my pursuit for happiness. Happiness is a life-long journey and its a daily battle just to maintain. I take all of life, the good and the bad. I love every moment. If I can do anything, I want to inspire. I want the dead souls to come alive and find their new beginnings.
Life is a celebration ... and boy do I want to party!
1. DO IT ALL ! ! !
I know. I am no fun, but I cannot just sit down and make a specific list of all the things I want to do and / or accomplish before my death. It creeps me out. I live my life day to day and never really have a definite plan for anything. Of course there are the long-term goals I want to accomplish (like my restaurant) but I am in no position to settle anytime soon in order to make that happen.
There are so many things I want to do, want to try. I have already done a lot of things and been a lot of places, but this Earth is such a big place that the possibilities are endless. Whereas there are a lot of things I want to do on my own, there are plenty that I want to do with other people. I suppose I am just waiting to find other people willing and able to do them also.
Travel. I want to travel the World. If I could get paid to go from country to country, continent to continent I would do it in a heartbeat. I know you're thinking "Anyone would" which may be true, but I crave it. I'm hungry like the wolf. I had a summer backpacking trip planned with my dear friend Linda this summer, but it had to be post-poned due to other circumstances. We were set to do a complete tour of Europe, making the full circle. Everywhere from Ireland to Belgium to Germany to Budapest to Spain and every place in between. Seeing life and seeing culture gets my blood flowing. You know how there are those certain friends that you only do certain things with? Well, I don't think I could experience Europe like I want to with anyone else but Linda (unless my soulmate is still out there and thinks they can change my mind). We experience things through the eyes of an artist. We appreciate the minute details that most do not take the time to even see. She is, in many ways, my female counterpart and I love her for that. Now I can't even explain how anxious I am for summer 2010!
I want to see through the eyes of the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor. I want to scale the mountains of Tibet and live a week with the orphans of Kenya. I want to whale watch in the waters of Canada and walk topless (maybe - the verdict is still out) on the beaches of Fiji. I want to sip coffee on the streets of Paris and click steins with the bar patrons of Germany. I want to trek through the rainforests of Brazil and barter the markets of Marrakesh. There are few places I would not go. I would go back to Costa Rica in a heartbeat. The vibe of the locals and the peacefulness in the air is enough to take me back in a mental dream. I truly love being an American and all the freedoms I am allowed every day, but to escape the walls of 'normalcy' and routine thrills me. You never really experience life until you have done so in a World so unlike your own. If the Peace Corps was anything like it was many years ago, I would have joined the day after graduation. I get excited when I visit my mother in North Carolina. I think it is just the idea of escaping where you are from. Moving to California was one of the best decisions of my life. It taught me so much. I met so many incredible people. I loved. I lost. I lived.
Accomplishments. As I mentioned before I want to open my very own restaurant. I know it seems a familiar dream, but it is indeed my dream. I want to create a place, a sanctuary for food and entertainment for all walks of life and all types of people. I want to combine tastes of my childhood with those of my adult life. I want to learn. I want to teach and most importantly I want to share. I may not be good at a lot of things, most I am mediocre at best, but cooking ... well, cooking I have a real knack for. I watched my Mother and Grandmothers at a very young age and incorporated all of their styles into mine and have created some of the most incredible dishes you will ever taste. My Father was the baker in the house. We always had sweets, although you could never tell since my sister and I were so skinny. One of the key reasons I quit smoking was to keep my tastebuds and their ability to taste intact. Cooking, like kissing, can say so much about someone without even having to say a word. My recipes range from sweet to spicy, much like my personality and it also varies depending on my mood. Though I have never had any formal training, I feel as though I can live without. My technique stems from both success and failure that I have reached on my own, from my very own trial and error. I like to make my own mistakes for the very reason of learning from them.
Personally, I am a vegetarian. I have been so for two years. Coming from my conservative country-fried, Southern upbringing you may not have guessed, but I am indeed an herbivore. Many people wonder how I do it, but to me it is just a way of life. My reasoning may be different than most, but the end result is the same. I am healthier and happier. It is a personal choice and I never force my ideas upon others which is why I never stopped cooking carnivorous dishes. They are still some of my very best and they better be because I am the only one in my entire family that opposes eating anything with a warm temp and two beady eyes.
For Fun. Just for fun I would love to follow some big rock band or singer's tour across the World and be a groupie. I would love to go to every football game, golf tournament or baseball game for one team. I'd love to ride every roller coaster I come across. I'd love to bungee jump again or skydive or parasail. I'd love to snowboard every weekend during season or wakeboard every day the temp is above 75. I'd love to start dance lessons or take art classes. Start a charity in my Grandmother's name. Become an artist. Walk another show during all the big fashion weeks. I'd love to move every couple of years and pick the next destination by just blindly pointing on a map. I'd love to walk the red carpet of the Grammy Awards or schmooze with the likes of Jerry Bruckheimer and the Coen Brothers. I want to hold a political office for at least one term. As I said, the possibilities are endless. My main goal in life is simply to experience. Instead of living the same day over and over again I want to change it. I want to do everything differently from the previous day. I want to get married in a big fancy church with every detail planned by me. I want to find the love of my life. I want to have children (or child). I want my dream house which would consist of an old farmhouse an hour out of some big city. I want a dog rescue shelter on the 200 acres of land I will own. I want horses and ducks. I want to write a book and go on a 50-state book tour. I want whatever the World has to offer and never turn down a new experience.
For so long I lived a dormant life. A life according to every else. Now it is about me and my pursuit for happiness. Happiness is a life-long journey and its a daily battle just to maintain. I take all of life, the good and the bad. I love every moment. If I can do anything, I want to inspire. I want the dead souls to come alive and find their new beginnings.
Life is a celebration ... and boy do I want to party!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Boys, Girls and everything in between ...
For some reason my gal pals come to me for 'boy' (and 'girl') advice. Why? I cannot say, but it happens. Maybe because I am well-versed in everything boy (and girl) or maybe because I have experienced nearly every type of relationship there is. There is also the chance that they just feel comfortable talking to me because I am the one person they know won't judge. Either way they come and they ask questions. They seek advice. Advice which I tell them is only from my experience and should not always be taken to heart. But my last inquiry got me thinking. And we all know what happens when I get to thinking - I write. I write and don't stop writing until I have said everything I have to say OR when my fingers get tired from typing OR when I think you have become bored of my words.
First. How do you initiate the "what will become of us" conversation? Guys are way more sensitive than they would like us to believe. It is an awkward topic of conversation. Say, for instance, that you just want to 'hang out' and have fun and not get into anything too serious - how do you go about relaying that message? If you come right out and say "Hey, you know I think you are a really cool person, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now" and they weren't interested in that in the first place then you risk looking like a fool, but if you don't fess up then they're led to believe that you're in it for the long run and it only makes things more awkward down the road. Yeah, this is an iffy subject, but I say just throw it all out there. What do you have to lose? I mean, at least its on the table and if the guy treats you like an idiot then he's not the kind of guy you want to hang around and have fun with anyhow. Capeche?
Second. Is there ever a 'right time' to become intimate. Intimacy doesn't just mean a physical relationship. Intimacy can be scaled out on several levels. Conversation is a big one. How open should you be on a first date? The second, third? It varies. I usually just go with my gut. If I am comfortable with a person (you know when I'm not because I cross my arms and usually remain pretty quiet and closed off) then I usually just spout off all the basics. Where I'm from, what I do for a living, what I do for fun, what I'm interested in. If there is a second date, the answer to most of those questions will help in deciding where to go from there and possibly what to do for the second date and so on. I used to be very closed off to everyone. I wouldn't share anything 'intimate' or personal for quite some time. I think it is important for us all to have a few secrets here and there. Now, I try to open myself up a little more. I figure what's the point in holding it in? Personal information is usually a very good indicator of how much the other person can and will tolerate. My theory is that if I let them know how I am right off the bat (with a few things remaining secret) then they have no excuse to complain later down the road. With that being said, don't give everything away on the first date. Guys love a good mystery no matter how much they deny it. Just like a dog (no offense boys) they love a good chase. It keeps things interesting and gives you more time to elaborate on the things you do talk about. Physical intimacy. When should the first kiss be? When should you unhook the bra? When should you bring out the lingerie? All good questions. All different answers. It is definitely a personal choice. I, for instance, have never 'given' myself to someone I do not call my 'significant other'. It is not because I am a prude (well maybe a little) but because I feel safer that way. It is not something I take for granted nor do I take lightly. Some people have the ability to just go out and find the first thing with the opposite (or same) anatomy and just knock their boots. I like for my experiences, no matter what they are, to have some form of meaning. Remember - personal choice. I would definitely suggest not doing anything until you are in your own state of mind. Don't let alcohol affect your decision because it should be something that you are lucidly willing to do. I know I sound like a Mother, but I care about my friends and their well-being. Too many times have I had to loan out my shoulders and too many times have they been drenched over broken hearts and broken promises. First kiss? Whenever it feels right. The first kiss says more than most conversations - at least it should. If it isn't right - I have been known to run. Seriously. Literally. There is nothing worse than a dysfunctional tongue meeting. I have stayed with ONE boyfriend that wasn't a good kisser and that was because I just had so much stinkin' fun hanging out with him. I swore to myself I would coach him, but I just never had the heart to tell him. Today is a different story. I put up with very little. I think its because I am getting older and fear much less. Moral to the story is that do things when they feel right. Regardless of what I say, what your parents say or what your friends say - just do what (truly) feels right to you. You may end up with a broken heart, but at least you have a heart to break. Do things for the experience, and experience things with emotion. It feels so much better.
Third. The friends. This is such a touchy subject. I have had boyfriends where the friends loved me (and some even loving me a little too much) and I have had boyfriends where the friends absolutely hated me. I suppose I am the kind of person you either love or hate, the inbetween rarely exists. Up until a few years ago every bone in my body was filled with jealousy. I was so possessive. I gave up many friendships because my fella's body was also filled with jealousy. And I was eager and very willing to give up those friendships because I was so obsessed (key word: obsessed) with that person. Side note: Obsession is never a good thing. If you feel an ounce of it, run. It leads to bad things. Broken hearts. You get the drift. Obsession is bad. Love is good. Like is good. Obsession -very bad. So, back to it ... relationships are always about compromise, but never compromise yourself. If your friends make you happy, then don't sacrifice even a tiny bit of that happiness. Especially in adulthood. Jealousy shouldn't exist. If you can't trust a person with your whole heart then you have no business being with them in the first place. Jealousy will eat you alive. It will consume you until all you have left is an empty box of Kleenex and a stomach that hasn't eaten in days (or eaten everything in sight). I realize that not all girls will abide to this and some hate the thought of her 'love' having the friendship of another female, but again if she is worried then she shouldn't waste her time. Friends should stay friends. I mean, a little compromise involving a little scaling back is always a possibility, but not if it means never talking to that person again. I have several (male) friends that no longer talk to me because of their girlfriends and if they do talk it is behind the back of that certain lady. I pose no threat. Most of my friends have been my friends for years now and if nothing has happened to date, then chances are they never will. I can assure you of that. Same goes for girls. Your fella should understand that its not likely that all of your friends will be female. Let friends be friends. Let lovers be lovers. Just never mix the two.
Fourth. Cheating. He / She better think before they cheat. Especially if I am on the other end. How long do you put up with it? How many times will it happen before you have had enough, before you call it quits? What if they were drunk and swear it will never happen again? Easy. You don't put up with it. If it happens once, thats one more time than it should have happened. Drunkeness is never an excuse because once a cheater - always a cheater. Cheaters cheat because it excites them. Think about it. If it didn't then why wouldn't they just break up with you beforehand? It makes sense. All but 2 of my previous boyfriends have cheated. Considering the number of boyfriends I have had since I was 16, those odds aren't good. I used to put up with it. I cried myself to sleep on multiple and numerous occasions but not anymore. One of the first things I tell a boy is that if there is ANY temptation in the future - just let me know. Be honest with me because it will hurt a hell of a lot less than how much it would later.
Fifth. The parents. When do you meet them? What if they don't like you? What if they like you more than they like their own child? Okay. You meet them when that person feels comfortable taking you around them. If there is the slightest bit of discomfort it will ruin the entire first impression and as my stylist says "there is never a second time for a first impression". Likewise for you. You take them when you are ready. I will say that if it has been a year and you still haven't met them then there is a big pink elephant in that room. Believe it or not, I have had several parents not like me. Only a few though. The ones that haven't have been the over-bearing mothers that just can't seem to let their baby boy go off with some other woman. They are the worst. Never trust those women. They will turn on you like a python that hasn't eaten for a month. And their bite hurts. I have also had parents that absolutely adore me. I can't say I blame them. I used to spoil the crap out of their sons which mean they no longer had to. One mother loves me still to this day and has gone on to say that I would be the only girl she would give up her right hand rock to. If I wore that thing, I'd have one strong ring finger and that is no lie. I love her to death though. Her son and I will never marry, but she will continue to hope and she is not afraid to tell you. I love her for that. It makes me feel special and reassures me that I wasn't the idiot in that relationship. Although he and I are now very dear friends, it will never be more than an exchange of phone calls, friendly banter and hugs. One last thing - never let the parents control you. If they have any hold over their (adult) son then that will only mean trouble for you later on.
Sixth. The bad habits. Men and women alike will always have those little quirky things that make them who they are, but it doesn't mean that we have to live with them. I have made a habit of asking myself very early on if those little buggers are something I can live with ... forever. Most times the answer is "no". The bad always seem to outweight the good, sadly enough.
Seventh. Do we move in together? Tricky one. It is so funny because when you have your own places to call 'home' and you spend every night with each other it is still so much different than having one shared place you call 'home'. The live together situation is definitely a decision that requires a lot of thought and a lot of preparation. You sacrifice a lot when living together and it can either make or break any relationship. The trick is focusing on the positive and not moving too soon.
Eighth. Shared bank accounts. Okay friends. This subject requires A LOT of careful thought and consideration. My advice? If you're going to have a shared account, keep individual ones as well. If you live together only contribute enough for your share of the bills and maybe a little cushion and keep the rest in the account that only has your name on it. Trust me. From my experience I can honestly say that is your best bet. The sweetest and most honest of honest may not always be so sweet and honest. Money changes people and when desperate times call for desperate measures there are those select few who will jump on those desperate measures. Believe it.
Ninth. Marriage and babies. Is there a good time to get married? To have babies? No. You can never be prepared enough for either one. I may not have kids, but I know enough people that do. Marriage and babies should be thought out. Not necessarily planned, but thought out. Accidents happen, but they aren't really accidents are they? We do things that therefore create consequences. Some good. Some bad. But our responsibility is to face them, and take them with stride. I believe that all things happen for a reason. Marriage should be fun. It should be enjoyed. Same goes for kids. Children are a blessing, especially when you take into account all the women and men out there that long for children, but do not have the 'tools' to have them. I, too, want to be a Mother one day. Some days more than I want to be a wife, but I hope for both in my future. Take your time. Once you step into either of the two, time will be a thing of the past and something you will find you run out of very quickly.
Tenth. And final. Love. What is love? Love is a lot of things. It should only ever be positive. It may not always make you feel warm and fuzzy but if it sparks any sort of emotion there has to be something there, right? I know I have touched on this before, but here we go again. I grew up believing that love was forever. That once you found it, it would never go away. Well, in my years of finding it, it has also left me plenty of times too. There is a difference between loving and being in love. Big difference. It is possible to fall out of love. To stop loving. To love is more general. You love your parents. Your siblings. Your friends. Your pets. You are only in love with those people that make you tick. They bring out things in you that you have never felt before and only feel when you are with them. I have been 'in love' once, maybe twice. It is quite an experience. Because of those people I will have a void in my heart for the rest of time. Being in love with someone requires you to give a piece of yourself away. A piece that you will never get back. That is a sacrifice you must make, but regardless of how it ends - that piece is carried with them always. I know I sound like some sappy hack, but I only speak the truth that I know. I cannot speak for all because all feel differently.
I would love to carry on, and could for days if I weren't exhausted and ready to be done with this day. I only hope that someone inexperienced in love and relationships can take a piece of what I have shared above. Advice is not always advice, but a guide to the generalities of life, love and relationships. I am no expert. And even the best of experts cannot always be right. We are all different. We all love differently and live differently and most importantly feel differently. The goal is to explore how to do each of those things for ourselves.
Live every moment.
Laugh every day.
Love beyond words.
First. How do you initiate the "what will become of us" conversation? Guys are way more sensitive than they would like us to believe. It is an awkward topic of conversation. Say, for instance, that you just want to 'hang out' and have fun and not get into anything too serious - how do you go about relaying that message? If you come right out and say "Hey, you know I think you are a really cool person, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now" and they weren't interested in that in the first place then you risk looking like a fool, but if you don't fess up then they're led to believe that you're in it for the long run and it only makes things more awkward down the road. Yeah, this is an iffy subject, but I say just throw it all out there. What do you have to lose? I mean, at least its on the table and if the guy treats you like an idiot then he's not the kind of guy you want to hang around and have fun with anyhow. Capeche?
Second. Is there ever a 'right time' to become intimate. Intimacy doesn't just mean a physical relationship. Intimacy can be scaled out on several levels. Conversation is a big one. How open should you be on a first date? The second, third? It varies. I usually just go with my gut. If I am comfortable with a person (you know when I'm not because I cross my arms and usually remain pretty quiet and closed off) then I usually just spout off all the basics. Where I'm from, what I do for a living, what I do for fun, what I'm interested in. If there is a second date, the answer to most of those questions will help in deciding where to go from there and possibly what to do for the second date and so on. I used to be very closed off to everyone. I wouldn't share anything 'intimate' or personal for quite some time. I think it is important for us all to have a few secrets here and there. Now, I try to open myself up a little more. I figure what's the point in holding it in? Personal information is usually a very good indicator of how much the other person can and will tolerate. My theory is that if I let them know how I am right off the bat (with a few things remaining secret) then they have no excuse to complain later down the road. With that being said, don't give everything away on the first date. Guys love a good mystery no matter how much they deny it. Just like a dog (no offense boys) they love a good chase. It keeps things interesting and gives you more time to elaborate on the things you do talk about. Physical intimacy. When should the first kiss be? When should you unhook the bra? When should you bring out the lingerie? All good questions. All different answers. It is definitely a personal choice. I, for instance, have never 'given' myself to someone I do not call my 'significant other'. It is not because I am a prude (well maybe a little) but because I feel safer that way. It is not something I take for granted nor do I take lightly. Some people have the ability to just go out and find the first thing with the opposite (or same) anatomy and just knock their boots. I like for my experiences, no matter what they are, to have some form of meaning. Remember - personal choice. I would definitely suggest not doing anything until you are in your own state of mind. Don't let alcohol affect your decision because it should be something that you are lucidly willing to do. I know I sound like a Mother, but I care about my friends and their well-being. Too many times have I had to loan out my shoulders and too many times have they been drenched over broken hearts and broken promises. First kiss? Whenever it feels right. The first kiss says more than most conversations - at least it should. If it isn't right - I have been known to run. Seriously. Literally. There is nothing worse than a dysfunctional tongue meeting. I have stayed with ONE boyfriend that wasn't a good kisser and that was because I just had so much stinkin' fun hanging out with him. I swore to myself I would coach him, but I just never had the heart to tell him. Today is a different story. I put up with very little. I think its because I am getting older and fear much less. Moral to the story is that do things when they feel right. Regardless of what I say, what your parents say or what your friends say - just do what (truly) feels right to you. You may end up with a broken heart, but at least you have a heart to break. Do things for the experience, and experience things with emotion. It feels so much better.
Third. The friends. This is such a touchy subject. I have had boyfriends where the friends loved me (and some even loving me a little too much) and I have had boyfriends where the friends absolutely hated me. I suppose I am the kind of person you either love or hate, the inbetween rarely exists. Up until a few years ago every bone in my body was filled with jealousy. I was so possessive. I gave up many friendships because my fella's body was also filled with jealousy. And I was eager and very willing to give up those friendships because I was so obsessed (key word: obsessed) with that person. Side note: Obsession is never a good thing. If you feel an ounce of it, run. It leads to bad things. Broken hearts. You get the drift. Obsession is bad. Love is good. Like is good. Obsession -very bad. So, back to it ... relationships are always about compromise, but never compromise yourself. If your friends make you happy, then don't sacrifice even a tiny bit of that happiness. Especially in adulthood. Jealousy shouldn't exist. If you can't trust a person with your whole heart then you have no business being with them in the first place. Jealousy will eat you alive. It will consume you until all you have left is an empty box of Kleenex and a stomach that hasn't eaten in days (or eaten everything in sight). I realize that not all girls will abide to this and some hate the thought of her 'love' having the friendship of another female, but again if she is worried then she shouldn't waste her time. Friends should stay friends. I mean, a little compromise involving a little scaling back is always a possibility, but not if it means never talking to that person again. I have several (male) friends that no longer talk to me because of their girlfriends and if they do talk it is behind the back of that certain lady. I pose no threat. Most of my friends have been my friends for years now and if nothing has happened to date, then chances are they never will. I can assure you of that. Same goes for girls. Your fella should understand that its not likely that all of your friends will be female. Let friends be friends. Let lovers be lovers. Just never mix the two.
Fourth. Cheating. He / She better think before they cheat. Especially if I am on the other end. How long do you put up with it? How many times will it happen before you have had enough, before you call it quits? What if they were drunk and swear it will never happen again? Easy. You don't put up with it. If it happens once, thats one more time than it should have happened. Drunkeness is never an excuse because once a cheater - always a cheater. Cheaters cheat because it excites them. Think about it. If it didn't then why wouldn't they just break up with you beforehand? It makes sense. All but 2 of my previous boyfriends have cheated. Considering the number of boyfriends I have had since I was 16, those odds aren't good. I used to put up with it. I cried myself to sleep on multiple and numerous occasions but not anymore. One of the first things I tell a boy is that if there is ANY temptation in the future - just let me know. Be honest with me because it will hurt a hell of a lot less than how much it would later.
Fifth. The parents. When do you meet them? What if they don't like you? What if they like you more than they like their own child? Okay. You meet them when that person feels comfortable taking you around them. If there is the slightest bit of discomfort it will ruin the entire first impression and as my stylist says "there is never a second time for a first impression". Likewise for you. You take them when you are ready. I will say that if it has been a year and you still haven't met them then there is a big pink elephant in that room. Believe it or not, I have had several parents not like me. Only a few though. The ones that haven't have been the over-bearing mothers that just can't seem to let their baby boy go off with some other woman. They are the worst. Never trust those women. They will turn on you like a python that hasn't eaten for a month. And their bite hurts. I have also had parents that absolutely adore me. I can't say I blame them. I used to spoil the crap out of their sons which mean they no longer had to. One mother loves me still to this day and has gone on to say that I would be the only girl she would give up her right hand rock to. If I wore that thing, I'd have one strong ring finger and that is no lie. I love her to death though. Her son and I will never marry, but she will continue to hope and she is not afraid to tell you. I love her for that. It makes me feel special and reassures me that I wasn't the idiot in that relationship. Although he and I are now very dear friends, it will never be more than an exchange of phone calls, friendly banter and hugs. One last thing - never let the parents control you. If they have any hold over their (adult) son then that will only mean trouble for you later on.
Sixth. The bad habits. Men and women alike will always have those little quirky things that make them who they are, but it doesn't mean that we have to live with them. I have made a habit of asking myself very early on if those little buggers are something I can live with ... forever. Most times the answer is "no". The bad always seem to outweight the good, sadly enough.
Seventh. Do we move in together? Tricky one. It is so funny because when you have your own places to call 'home' and you spend every night with each other it is still so much different than having one shared place you call 'home'. The live together situation is definitely a decision that requires a lot of thought and a lot of preparation. You sacrifice a lot when living together and it can either make or break any relationship. The trick is focusing on the positive and not moving too soon.
Eighth. Shared bank accounts. Okay friends. This subject requires A LOT of careful thought and consideration. My advice? If you're going to have a shared account, keep individual ones as well. If you live together only contribute enough for your share of the bills and maybe a little cushion and keep the rest in the account that only has your name on it. Trust me. From my experience I can honestly say that is your best bet. The sweetest and most honest of honest may not always be so sweet and honest. Money changes people and when desperate times call for desperate measures there are those select few who will jump on those desperate measures. Believe it.
Ninth. Marriage and babies. Is there a good time to get married? To have babies? No. You can never be prepared enough for either one. I may not have kids, but I know enough people that do. Marriage and babies should be thought out. Not necessarily planned, but thought out. Accidents happen, but they aren't really accidents are they? We do things that therefore create consequences. Some good. Some bad. But our responsibility is to face them, and take them with stride. I believe that all things happen for a reason. Marriage should be fun. It should be enjoyed. Same goes for kids. Children are a blessing, especially when you take into account all the women and men out there that long for children, but do not have the 'tools' to have them. I, too, want to be a Mother one day. Some days more than I want to be a wife, but I hope for both in my future. Take your time. Once you step into either of the two, time will be a thing of the past and something you will find you run out of very quickly.
Tenth. And final. Love. What is love? Love is a lot of things. It should only ever be positive. It may not always make you feel warm and fuzzy but if it sparks any sort of emotion there has to be something there, right? I know I have touched on this before, but here we go again. I grew up believing that love was forever. That once you found it, it would never go away. Well, in my years of finding it, it has also left me plenty of times too. There is a difference between loving and being in love. Big difference. It is possible to fall out of love. To stop loving. To love is more general. You love your parents. Your siblings. Your friends. Your pets. You are only in love with those people that make you tick. They bring out things in you that you have never felt before and only feel when you are with them. I have been 'in love' once, maybe twice. It is quite an experience. Because of those people I will have a void in my heart for the rest of time. Being in love with someone requires you to give a piece of yourself away. A piece that you will never get back. That is a sacrifice you must make, but regardless of how it ends - that piece is carried with them always. I know I sound like some sappy hack, but I only speak the truth that I know. I cannot speak for all because all feel differently.
I would love to carry on, and could for days if I weren't exhausted and ready to be done with this day. I only hope that someone inexperienced in love and relationships can take a piece of what I have shared above. Advice is not always advice, but a guide to the generalities of life, love and relationships. I am no expert. And even the best of experts cannot always be right. We are all different. We all love differently and live differently and most importantly feel differently. The goal is to explore how to do each of those things for ourselves.
Live every moment.
Laugh every day.
Love beyond words.
American Woman ...
Growing up I imagined myself married with kids by age 25. I envisioned the big wedding (not the big dress because bigger is NOT always better), the intimate photos, the honeymoon and discovering a few months later that I would soon become a Mother. Most little girls, whether they admit it as adults or not, have this same vision. It is a young girl’s rite of passage.
I recently turned 26. I am single and the closest thing to having a child is my dog, Huck. Over the past year I have realized that even I became a victim of society’s expectations. There may have been a point in my life where all of those things, in that timeline, were appealing to me but as of today I will never know whether I truly wanted them or if outside factors attributed to my wanting them. Either way, it is beside the point.
From age 16 on I was on the prowl. I opened my heart and each time had it broken. I figured that any guy willing to marry any girl would need to be in a significant, long-term relationship. So each relationship I would ask myself: “Can I see myself living a lifetime with this one?” Each time I knew deep down that I was on the road, sometimes very long road, to heartbreak but I hung in there thinking there might just be an ounce of hope. Call me a hopeless romantic or call me stupid. I think it was a combination of both, but I would know better than anyone.
I remember my 25th birthday. It was my last week in Los Angeles, and it was Thanksgiving Day. I had been in a very dysfunctional relationship that had more or less been over for months, but because of the convenience of our living situation we learned to deal. I sat in my apartment watching Christmas movies on TV. I made myself some homemade mac n cheese and drank 2 ½ bottles of Pinot Noir. The Thanksgiving card I had given to my ex was recycled and in turn given back to me with a message inside that said “Happy Birthday”. That would be enough to make anyone cry, but my tears were not a result of that since our relationship had long since been over. My tears that day were the realization that everything I had thought about for the previous 9 years was not MY dream. The expectation of a young woman sharing her life with an incredible man and creating another life together was what the World led me to believe, not my heart – or my head.
Those 9 years were brutal. One deceitful or abusive relationship after another. I suppose it did not help that I was a product of a broken home so my will to make something work was even stronger. I mean, I did get the wedding. It may have been in Las Vegas. It may have taken place at a drive-thru chapel. It may not have led to a honeymoon, but it was a wedding nonetheless. (As a joke to myself and my family, I have the marriage certificate framed. We have a sordid sense of humor.) My point is that the wedding does not close the deal. Weddings do not secure that bond, nor do they secure happiness. Some people (I may have been one of them) believe that if you can lock another person in then things can only get better. If that is the attitude you have going into a marriage then I can assure you that you are setting yourself up for doom.
There are also the people that, even after a long courtship and now engagement, are not happy but proceed with the marriage because they know it will make their family happy, or their friends, or both. You are all fools. It is never too late to walk away. You have to think of number one – yourself - and your happiness. I’m sure you are all thinking that I should have taken my own advice and you could be right, but then again my marriage – and my life for that matter - was an adventure. I definitely did not do it to please anyone other than myself. I mean, it was just me and the groom for goodness sake. It wasn’t like my friends or family were there saying “You gotta do this Tiffany!” Why in God’s name do you think that over 60% of marriages end in divorce? It is because they were entered with the wrong intentions. There are many factors that go into why marriages fail, but I believe that most of those failed attempts could have easily been avoided had the two people involved actually thought their decision through.
I used to believe that love was forever. There is a difference between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’. I thought that being ‘in love’ was permanent, that you cannot fall ‘out of love’. I have learned first hand and through others that is simply not true. It goes with the saying “It is better to have loved and had your heart broken a hundred times, than to never love at all”. Each of my experiences with love taught me something. Even if something does not succeed you should be smart enough to still take something from it. There is a lesson in everything whether it is success or failure. We have to depend on ourselves to find out what that lesson is and learn from it.
And here I am, 26, single and childless. Does it make me unhappy to think back and wonder what happened? No. It is the same with all regret – what is the point? Knowing that we cannot go back and change the past, why do we burden ourselves with guilt or displeasure about choices we have made or things we have done? I have learned from all my painful experiences. Maybe not the lesson I should have, but I still took something away. I, at the very least, owed that to myself.
I now have a better understanding of what feminism truly represents. It is not about dominating men, or being better, or living life completely without the male race – it is about teaching women that it is okay to be independent. Women should not be dependent on men, or anyone for that matter. We have to build a life for ourselves before we can build a life with someone else. There is such a predisposition about women finding a man to take care of her. Now, it is important to know that he would be capable of ‘caring for’ you but not ‘care of’ you. Too many women convince themselves that they should just stay at home taking care of kids all day or playing tennis or become a socialite. Wake up. The only thing that proves is that you are lazy and care nothing of your own independence or self-worth. Granted, there are women that are born to be mothers, but you will find that those true types also have a will to do something else. Some will become artists. Some will become small business owners and some will be the coach of the neighborhood soccer team. They are doing something.
Since becoming single I have really let go of the bonds of sharing my life. I realized that I had a lot of life to live on my own. I wake up each day with an open heart, but not anxious to find someone to fill it. I enjoy taking my time to do things, to go where I please as I please. I go away on weekends with my girlfriends, something I never took advantage of before, and I laugh … a lot. I am truly living for the very first time - for myself. I am experiencing things on my own, that before I came away with knowing I would always have something to attach that experience to. I have lived a very exciting life and done many things that most normal people never will, and I am more than grateful for all of those experiences, both good and bad. Now, though, it is time to make memories of my own. I believe the reason my dating life was so difficult up until 26 was because I was looking for a childhood dream, that was simply just a dream. Now that I am past that ‘cut off’ date, I feel free to just be happy – and I am.
I recently turned 26. I am single and the closest thing to having a child is my dog, Huck. Over the past year I have realized that even I became a victim of society’s expectations. There may have been a point in my life where all of those things, in that timeline, were appealing to me but as of today I will never know whether I truly wanted them or if outside factors attributed to my wanting them. Either way, it is beside the point.
From age 16 on I was on the prowl. I opened my heart and each time had it broken. I figured that any guy willing to marry any girl would need to be in a significant, long-term relationship. So each relationship I would ask myself: “Can I see myself living a lifetime with this one?” Each time I knew deep down that I was on the road, sometimes very long road, to heartbreak but I hung in there thinking there might just be an ounce of hope. Call me a hopeless romantic or call me stupid. I think it was a combination of both, but I would know better than anyone.
I remember my 25th birthday. It was my last week in Los Angeles, and it was Thanksgiving Day. I had been in a very dysfunctional relationship that had more or less been over for months, but because of the convenience of our living situation we learned to deal. I sat in my apartment watching Christmas movies on TV. I made myself some homemade mac n cheese and drank 2 ½ bottles of Pinot Noir. The Thanksgiving card I had given to my ex was recycled and in turn given back to me with a message inside that said “Happy Birthday”. That would be enough to make anyone cry, but my tears were not a result of that since our relationship had long since been over. My tears that day were the realization that everything I had thought about for the previous 9 years was not MY dream. The expectation of a young woman sharing her life with an incredible man and creating another life together was what the World led me to believe, not my heart – or my head.
Those 9 years were brutal. One deceitful or abusive relationship after another. I suppose it did not help that I was a product of a broken home so my will to make something work was even stronger. I mean, I did get the wedding. It may have been in Las Vegas. It may have taken place at a drive-thru chapel. It may not have led to a honeymoon, but it was a wedding nonetheless. (As a joke to myself and my family, I have the marriage certificate framed. We have a sordid sense of humor.) My point is that the wedding does not close the deal. Weddings do not secure that bond, nor do they secure happiness. Some people (I may have been one of them) believe that if you can lock another person in then things can only get better. If that is the attitude you have going into a marriage then I can assure you that you are setting yourself up for doom.
There are also the people that, even after a long courtship and now engagement, are not happy but proceed with the marriage because they know it will make their family happy, or their friends, or both. You are all fools. It is never too late to walk away. You have to think of number one – yourself - and your happiness. I’m sure you are all thinking that I should have taken my own advice and you could be right, but then again my marriage – and my life for that matter - was an adventure. I definitely did not do it to please anyone other than myself. I mean, it was just me and the groom for goodness sake. It wasn’t like my friends or family were there saying “You gotta do this Tiffany!” Why in God’s name do you think that over 60% of marriages end in divorce? It is because they were entered with the wrong intentions. There are many factors that go into why marriages fail, but I believe that most of those failed attempts could have easily been avoided had the two people involved actually thought their decision through.
I used to believe that love was forever. There is a difference between ‘love’ and being ‘in love’. I thought that being ‘in love’ was permanent, that you cannot fall ‘out of love’. I have learned first hand and through others that is simply not true. It goes with the saying “It is better to have loved and had your heart broken a hundred times, than to never love at all”. Each of my experiences with love taught me something. Even if something does not succeed you should be smart enough to still take something from it. There is a lesson in everything whether it is success or failure. We have to depend on ourselves to find out what that lesson is and learn from it.
And here I am, 26, single and childless. Does it make me unhappy to think back and wonder what happened? No. It is the same with all regret – what is the point? Knowing that we cannot go back and change the past, why do we burden ourselves with guilt or displeasure about choices we have made or things we have done? I have learned from all my painful experiences. Maybe not the lesson I should have, but I still took something away. I, at the very least, owed that to myself.
I now have a better understanding of what feminism truly represents. It is not about dominating men, or being better, or living life completely without the male race – it is about teaching women that it is okay to be independent. Women should not be dependent on men, or anyone for that matter. We have to build a life for ourselves before we can build a life with someone else. There is such a predisposition about women finding a man to take care of her. Now, it is important to know that he would be capable of ‘caring for’ you but not ‘care of’ you. Too many women convince themselves that they should just stay at home taking care of kids all day or playing tennis or become a socialite. Wake up. The only thing that proves is that you are lazy and care nothing of your own independence or self-worth. Granted, there are women that are born to be mothers, but you will find that those true types also have a will to do something else. Some will become artists. Some will become small business owners and some will be the coach of the neighborhood soccer team. They are doing something.
Since becoming single I have really let go of the bonds of sharing my life. I realized that I had a lot of life to live on my own. I wake up each day with an open heart, but not anxious to find someone to fill it. I enjoy taking my time to do things, to go where I please as I please. I go away on weekends with my girlfriends, something I never took advantage of before, and I laugh … a lot. I am truly living for the very first time - for myself. I am experiencing things on my own, that before I came away with knowing I would always have something to attach that experience to. I have lived a very exciting life and done many things that most normal people never will, and I am more than grateful for all of those experiences, both good and bad. Now, though, it is time to make memories of my own. I believe the reason my dating life was so difficult up until 26 was because I was looking for a childhood dream, that was simply just a dream. Now that I am past that ‘cut off’ date, I feel free to just be happy – and I am.
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